Everything You always wanted to Know About UMNO (*But Were Afraid to Ask)

Question:

What is money politics?

Answer:

Next question please….

Question:

I am a class F contractor. How can I get the contract to make longkang at the school being build in my district?

Answer:

Are you a member of UMNO?

Ya Dato’.

Which Cawangan?

Batang Berjuntai Dato.

Okay…you go and ask your Ketua Cawangan to bring you to go and see the Ketua Bahagian. Tell your Ketua Bahagian that you want to be a sub contractor for the project…and I will give you a note to support you. Do not offer to give him any money for giving you the project….we can talk about that later! 

Question:

Proton sold its 57.7 percent stake in Italian motorcycle manufacturer MV Augusta for one Euro (about $1.18 USD). Can I make an offer to buy  Petronas with adjustment for inflation if necessary?

Answer:

No you cannot. There was no more money in MV Augusta. There is plenty more in Petronas. You have to wait after the next general election. Put in your bid then. 

Question:

How much can I make during a by election?

Answer:

You have to be more specific than that! But I will reply to that as best as I can in the following manner.

Cawangan Level:   RM$500

Bahagian Level:     up to RM$5000

State Level:          up to RM$50,000

Federal level:        If you “Berani Mati”…unlimited.

Question:

How much does it cost to join UMNO? And who pays?

Answer:

Come on lah if you do not have the money to even pay the subscription – don’t join UMNO! But at party election time we can talk…

Question:

This is a three part question.

·   First why do some Ketua Bahagians give money and some collect money at the Perhimpunan Agong?

·   Secondly why do some envelopes have $100 inside, some $500 and some $1000 or more…and some only have prepaid card for our mobiles?

·   Thirdly – what expenses are paid for and what can I claim for when I go to the Perhimpunan Agong – can I claim for my wife shopping expenses?

Answer:

·   First: The Ketua Bahagians that gives money are the First Tier Bumiputra – some of them are “War Lords’ and are the proxies for UMNO’s wealth. Sometimes UMNO’s wealth gets mix up with their own wealth because there is a ‘revolving door’ in between these monies. But we close one eye and shut the other in these cases.   

        The Ketua Bahagian that collect money are not  

        the first tier Ketua Bahagians.

·   Second: See answer to the first question! Different envolopes for different folks!

·   Third: See answer to first question. It depends  which Ketua Bahagian you are under.

Question:

What does the UMNO Disciplinary Board do? Does it work?

Answer:

There have a lot of work to do. Not only do they have to justify to the others in UMNO why people can take money and also abuse power but they also have to ask MACC and PDRM to stay out of UMNO matters…all side attacking them! And when the First Tier UMNO Bumiputras are involved more ‘pening kepala’ for them…it is hard trying to come up with punishment that have no meaning at all and still make people think that the Disciplinary Board are doing our jobs!

Question:

Who are the ‘sahabats’ in UMNO? How do you become one?

Answer:

You can only claim you are the ‘sahabat’ of someone when you have known them from the days they are nobody in UMNO…preferably from cawangan level. We know this is impossible…so as long as you are prepared to follow your “Boss” anywhere he goes – not only to the kenduris but also to his rural constituiencies – you can call yourself his ‘sahabat’. When he sees your face everywhere he goes then he will call you his ‘sahabat’. So you call yourself his ‘sahabat’ and he calls you his ‘sahabat’…all done! 

Question:

Is UMNO more powerful then the Sultans?

Answer:

The Sultans must be consulted for any law that alters state boundaries; affect the rulers’ privileges, honors, or dignities; or extends any religious acts, observances, or ceremonies to the country as a whole. They must also be consulted on proposed changes of administrative policy affecting the special position of the Malays or the vital interest of other communities.

So UMNO consult them. UMNO then decides what it wants to do and do it! Does that answer your question?

Question:

How do I get a Datukship.

Answer:

You can consult me afterwards on that.

Question:

Which position is more powerful:

·      Ketua Bahagin or the KSU of a Government Department?

·      The Political Secretary or the KSU of a Government Department.

Answer:

·      The KSU reports to the Minister. Before elections the Minister reports to     

       the Ketua Bahagian. Does that answer your question?

·      From time to time the Minister gets briefing from his Political Secretary   

       on his political and financial situation. The Political Secretary depends on

       the goodwill and cooperation of the KSU to ensure that these briefings

       always leaves the Minister in a positive frame of mind. So the KSU and

       the Political Secretary would have to work together.  

Question:

Can Najib or Rosmah give me any contract? How much will it cost me?

Answer:

It does not cost you anything if Najib or Rosmah helps you out with getting a contract! It is their job to assist all member of UMNO at all levels. Who gave you the idea that you have to pay them when they help you....but of course first you will have to be able to ask them to help you. Getting into Sri Perdana and into his office in Putrajaya will be the problem!