Thursday, 12 March 2009

Death and Fear...

All beings tremble before danger, all fear death.
- Dhammapada 54

Taken literally to me that is profound. To acknowledge that we do tremble before danger and we all fear death is so refreshingly obvious and yet pride and stupidity will not allow us to acknowledge that reality. Me? I tremble before too many dangers that I cannot begin to start. There was a time when Death was something I simple could not deal with. Not only the going away of loved ones but also the transformation of someone from a living being to one of being cold, still and to be disposed of six feet underground. And that continued for a while until increasingly those who died became those very people that I loved. Then sadness overcomes all other consideration. Now I am comfortable with being close to death. What makes me sad is to see those close to death. They know that death is near and I can see that in their eyes. There is nothing you can do but to stay close to them and be there for them at the moment of passing. I think that their last conscious thoughts would be of those that they love and if those that they love are with them – it will comfort them. 

I lost my parents a long time ago. The sadness of not having them both in my life has not passed. I do not think of them constantly – sometimes weeks pass before I even think of them – but when I do the sadness envelopes me completely and I let it cover me and surround me because it feels good. It feels good to know that even after all these time my love for them is undiminished, strong and yearnings for days long gone by are forever etched in my mind. No regrets. No “what if’. None. Just “ I love you both and miss you both”…and then having done my grieving, go back to my present life. Back to my wife, my son, my daughter and her family – all still with me. Not close by but still with me and then I am once again content with my lot. Amen.