Have you seen a person die? To know that someone you love will die because their time has come? It is surreal. All around they are people reading the Koran and vying with each other to outdo one another in their piousness in reading the words of God – sincere in their beliefs that if the word of God will not save her life – then at least it will give comfort and prepare her for the next life. You are struck at the absurdities of it all. At this stage of her life (near death !!) nothing said, read or prayed will make any difference as to whether she will go to heaven or to hell. That has been decided by the conduct of her life long before this precise hour(if you believe in all that)…and if she is concious at all and aware of what is happening around her – would not listening to the Koran being read around her fill her with dread because she knows that people around her have given up on her – and they are just waiting for her to draw her last breath?
Will the reading of the Koran be of any comfort to her? I do not think so because I can see fear in her eyes. If she has any conciousness of her situation at all, she will know that the reading of the Koran is a sure sign of hoplessness from those she is leaving behind and for her it is a sign of coming death. It would have been far better for her loved ones to be gathered around her, praying silently and giving her words of comfort as she slips in and out of conciouness. Sometimes she stirs and tries to draw a deep breath but to no avail – she is too weak. I look stoically at her and remember her kindness, her love and her affection for me and my family at all times given unconditionally. I wonder if I have done enough to let her know that I am grateful for all that – but I know it would not have mattered to her – she would have loved us anyhow.
You look for her children. They are in the room except for the oldest daughter who has taken the responsibility of being host and comforter to those about to be left behind when her mother passes away. There was much to do because her mother was much loved by everyone.
I wonder if there was time for a burial today if she passes away within the hour. It was late afternoon and there was still time if she leaves us now. And she did. Ahhh the futility of life .....
I'm not a believer, and so not one who prays for anything. So I can't comment. But maybe, in the final hours, just this act brought her comfort and a hope that she'd squeeze in the door. Just.
ReplyDeleteI think death is a part of life. Silly, but true. We cannot live our lives in fear of the inevitably of death.
We cannot live our lives and not do stuff, or love anyone, because we fear their death, or ours - and think that then, it would all be for naught.
Life is for living. For enjoying. For loving. For bringing joy to yourself, and to those you love.
Life is not futile. It's reason is to just be. Breathe in the new day and be alive with the thought that you are there, with those you love, and those who love you.
My little girls are no longer with me. And there are those who say heaven is not for them. I never argue.
Heaven is where those I love are, and will be. If they aren't there, then, it is not heaven. Not to me.
Two views of my favorite subject there. I agree with both! I look forward to mine as I look forward to a kayaking trip on a wilderness river which is what it is. You create your own metaphor or go by the one you've been conditioned to believe.
ReplyDeleteTo Pat and ZR...to each his own. These are my thoughts and I was the only one privy to them until now. I write them down not to rid myself of them but from time to time to enable me to read them myself and ask if there has been a need for me to rethink my thoughts for whatever reasons.
ReplyDeleteYes, you are right: to each his own.
ReplyDeleteBut sometimes, people try to shove their ideas down your throat.
I believe that we should do what works for us; what makes us happy.
I think it is good that you share your thoughts like this. It makes me stop for a moment, and think again about things I'd rather not dwell on.
So, keep up the good work, ya hear?
Referring to Zar's comment: When it's my time, I'd like to go to sleep, and simply not wake up. So, I'm wondering, Zar - would you like to go mid-paddle in your kayak?
"I believe that we should do what works for us; what makes us happy". - Pat that is the guiding light and direction that I take. We are not always right to other people - but that is who we are and I am comfortable with who I am. Its been a long time since I put a BEE under ZR bonnet...have to think of something soon...cannot allow him to relax tooooo much. C u.
ReplyDeleteHH