I just received a message from my niece in KL who said that her Mother, after three years of Parkinson’s, has taken a turn for the worst – drifting in and out of the reality she is in – into her past and and having conversation with love ones long gone. This mother of hers is one of those people that are dear to my heart because many happy memories of my childhood in Kampong Kassipilay in Sentul at my grandfather’s house had her in it. It was just all those wonderful memories that will not go away with time. Its recall would bring smiles to my face and a heaviness in my heart because those times are past. Good memories should always bring good thoughts but these that I have of her do bring in a certain sadness because for the last twenty years or so I have only been able to see her maybe at most, once a year over Hari Raya. And now not even once a year over Hari Raya because I am now in Adelaide. So I tell my neice the only thing I can. Be there for your mother if she should need you in her moment of clarity.
I think often of my beloved daughter, her husband and their Izzy - almost every moment of the day. Almost every moment of the day. Sometimes the missing of them becomes unbearable. But as I told my niece, such is life. It is hard being away from those that you really love but having my son and wife near me helps. I hug my son almost everyday – and he is almost thirty years old. To see him everyday is a joy and brings me much happiness. For my wife and me anybody that makes our children happy makes us happy to – so we love these people as much as our children love them.
What is hard to understand sometimes is that the people that should love you most are the very people that hurts you most. Why this happens I know not but my wife and me are resolved that it will not be so with our children and those that they love.
Last week I was walking down the street when a man stopped me and asked if I could spare two dollars. I brushed him aside as I normally do when confronted with situations like that. Then as I watched him walk away a sadness striked me. I asked myself what would drive a man to ask someone else for two dollars? Maybe he needed the bus fare to go home, something to eat …what would it do to me to give him the two dollars? I only had a fifty dollar note. I dashed into the shop nearby – got some change and gave him five dollars when I caught up with him. As I walked away a thought just hit me….maybe he wanted the money to wager on a horse….and I told myself “Hussein think good of others so that they may think good of you too”. Amen.
I know the unbearable feeling of missing someone. Missing so much until the ache is almost tangible.
ReplyDeleteGood guy lah you! Think good of others and well, I do think good of you too!
all this tugging at the heartstrings hits me because I let them through my defence..it aches but it does feel good.
ReplyDeleteBro HH,
ReplyDeleteWhat you did was what is required by our religion.
Kawan ni bukanlah pandai sangat hal ugama nih, tapi, begitulah. Jangan hampakan orang yang meminta, ( sekadarnya ).
I like your Mary Hopkins " Those were the days "
but the ori Marianne Faithful's much better! ha ha!
samsaimon - are you sure Marianne Faithful is the original singer? I was in London at that time and maybe, Sandy Shaw did sing a version - but I will check that up.
ReplyDeleteHi HH,
ReplyDeleteEvery day that's granted us let our lives begin anew; another opportunity for us to live our lives well so that we will not be burdened with the ashes of regret.
And that's why, when we really love someone, we inevitably allow ourselves to care and to give too much of ourselves, and yet there are no regrets. There is always this vast infinite capacity we have to sustain our love for the ones we love, despite the hurts, the disappointments and the careless spoken words.
Mother Teresa's insightful thoughts reveal such clarity on this often puzzling subject of Love: "I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.". So, here's wishing you more love for the ones you love.
Hi Hazel,
ReplyDeletei try to live each day, with my loved ones, as if it was my last with them - I don't always succeed but I try. Thanks for your thoughts.
HH
Salam HH,
ReplyDeleteYa, Those Were The Days was written by Mike Jagger and recorded by his girlfriend at that time, Marianne Faithful.
Salam HH,
ReplyDeleteSorry HH, I was wrong. It is As Tears Goes By by Marianne Faithful. You're right!
Nasi Lemak Tanglin on me when you are in town!
itu lah..I baru nak download 'As tears go by" . ' Those were the days' was first sung by Sandy Shaw. Paul Mccartney discovered Mary Hopkins and made her sing the same song to show that he can do better....aisehman kita hidup di situ masa zaman 60's...nasib baik you mengalah kalau tidak.........OK lah Nasi Lemak kat Tanglin ok tapi lauk mesti ada ayam goreng (mahal siskit !)
ReplyDelete