Monday, 16 January 2017

"Only must make sure the girls are halal.” “Halal?” “Yes. They must not eat pork before our sessions. Don’t want when I kiss them their mouth is tainted with pork.”

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Melayu Malaya..

Sorry I’m late, Wong, I had to do my prayers first.”
“Oh, yes, I forgot, you never miss your five times a day prayers. Next time we can plan dinner at 8.00pm instead of 7.00pm. By the way, Datuk, this restaurant is halal. I checked to make sure.”
“That’s very considerate of you, Wong.”
“Would you like a whiskey, Datuk?”
“Not here, Wong. It’s dangerous to drink in public. If a blogger were to see me the next day it will be all over the Internet. My political career will be finished.”
“Understood. Anyway, I have a bottle of the best single malt waiting for us in the room. We can drink later.”
“We adjourning to your mess after this, as usual?”
“As usual. And as usual I have two new girls from China coming over after dinner.”
“Fresh girls?”
“Of course fresh girls. And very young and sexy as well.”
“Great. You really know how to throw a party, Wong. Okay, but first let’s get down to business.”
“Okay, the story is like this, our company is submitting a proposal for a project. I have all the details in my bag. You want to see it now?”
“Later. Not here. How much is it worth?”
“About RM850 million…maybe even slightly more…but under RM1 billion.”
“Okay, that’s a nice figure. You have enough reserves?”
“Plenty. At least RM100 million.”
“Good. You know the money is not all for me, right? I have to spread it around.”
“Of course, Datuk, we know you are not greedy. We understand that you have to share the money with others.”
“How fast can the project take off?”
“Not so soon. A project this size needs time. The earliest would be in six to eight months.”
“Oh, that would mean some time next year.”
“Yes. Is that a problem?”
“I was thinking of doing my Haj with my whole family this year. Nowadays the Haj package is very expensive. I would need at least RM150,000.”
“No problem, Datuk. I can arrange to advance you the money. How much are you going to need?”
“With shopping included about RM250,000.”
“I can give you the RM250,000 first. When will you need the money?”
“Next month will be okay.”
“Wah! So after this I will need to call you Pak Haji, is it?”
“No needlah, Datuk is good enough.”
“So will that mean once you become a Haji no more Chinese girls?”
“No, that one can still continue. Only must make sure the girls are halal.”
“Yes. They must not eat pork before our sessions. Don’t want when I kiss them their mouth is tainted with pork.”
“Ha, ha, ha…you are very hilarious, Datuk. By the way, Datuk, can you help me get a datukship?”
“No problem. From which state do you want?”
“Any state also can. Does not make any difference.”
“Actually it does. Some states very hard to get. Some states easier. We have a party quota which we can give out. But need to pay something.”
“How much?”
“Depends on the state. But roughly RM250,000 or so.”
“Selangor can get?”
“Selangor impossible. In fact, Selangor is pulling back many datukships. Quite a few already pulled back. Even for Negeri it’s now impossible. In the past it was only RM250,000 for a Negeri datukship. Now no way even how much you want to pay.”
“Okay, I leave it to you. Any state also can. I will give you RM500,000 next month. Half for your Haj trip and half for the datukship.”
“Wah, after this I will also have to call you Datuk Wong.”
“Datuk Wong…yes, that sounds very nice. And my wife will be Datin, right?”
“Yes, Datin Wong.”
“I think she will prefer her Christian name, Datin Venus.”
“She has already converted to Christianity?”
“No, we are still Buddhists. We just use Christian names.”
“That sounds cool. What is your Christian name?”
“Actually it’s Percy, Datuk.”
“Oh, I didn’t know that. So Datuk Percy Wong and Datin Venus…very chic.”
“Okay, Datuk, are you ready to adjourn to the mess? We have desert waiting for us there.”
“Ah, yes, two delightful girls from China. I get to choose first, right?”
“Of course, Datuk Haji, as usual.”
“Ha, ha, ha, I am not Haji yet, not until the end of the year.”