In moments of reflections I find much solace from reading what I have written in the past. What you write then, if it comes from the heart - as all my writings are - tells you about that moment in time and how things were for you then.
This is a piece from March 2009.
It was a time when dementia - that illness that has now taken the ability to talk, walk and do anything for herself - from my wife of almost five decades - was not even on the horizon.
And as I read what I wrote then I know one thing has not changed. The question I asked myself then still has the same answer today : "Sometimes I ask myself if it really is possible to love someone after being together for over forty years? Yes it is possible".
I have not written much these last few days. I am at a place that sometimes visits us all...the loss of the sense of purpose to do what we want to do...be it to go to work to earn a living, or, in my case, to write. Reading this piece from March 2009 puts things into perspective ....that in truth, if you have true love, nothing much changes. And I am one of those who have been gifted thus....and for that I am grateful.
Sunday, 15 March 2009
How wonderful it would be if you could sometimes make the world go away. Sometimes when everything out there is just too much for me to handle I want to curl myself up into a ball, lie down and die because that is the easiest thing to do to escape from the realities of life. Who can make the world go away? I cannot do it by myself. Only my wife can do that for me. My wife is in KL now and yet when I think of her a smile crosses my face – a smile of delight and love knowing that I have her with me for life. That knowledge is enough to tide me over what ever situation I am in. Distance is no barrier to love. Sometimes I ask myself if it really is possible to love someone after being together for over forty years? Yes it is possible. I cannot forget that line that I read somewhere describing the feelings of one who truly loves another – “ I hope that I will die before you because I will not know how I can live without you” -a selfish thought but nevertheless one that comes from within. So everyday I count my blessing because I have a love like that now. For those of you who are yet to find yours –go look again at the one you married – and maybe you might find it in your heart to love them as much as they have loved you….of course your children does not count because when you give unconditional love to someone they are exempted from these kind situations where you try to put into words your affections for your partner in life. Children are not your partners in live. They become you. Without them you cannot find yourself.