Extracts from letters written by CITY Council Tenants: England.

1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob RIGHT off.

3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he
    put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof; I think
    it was the bad wind I had the other day that blew them off.

6. My lavatory seat is all cracked, where do I stand? 

7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path; my wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are just plain filthy.

11. The next door neighbor has got this huge tool that vibrates the whole
      house and I just can't take it anymore.

12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.

15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his large cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.

16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is
      unsightly and dangerous.

17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction from him at all.

21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2 or national programme.

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22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has a fungus growing in it.