I must confess that I do get that ‘syiok sendiri’ rush every time I post another article on steadyaku47 – see I did not just say on my blog but use ‘steadyaku47’ to give myself that small ‘syiok sendiri’ rush again! Call it vanity, call it the need we all have for recognition from our fellow beings- call it anything you want – but I think we bloggers are a slightly narcissistic lot!
I go through life everyday not bothered about what anybody else feels about anything! I can sit quiet contentedly in a crowded Tram and I do not, even for an instance, want to know what the person besides me thinks about the political situation in Malaysia or whether they think that North Korea should or should not have threatened the USA with a missile strike in any situation!
So why do I think that there will be people out there who would be interested in what I think about Lahat Datu what more read what I write about Lahat Datu? Why indeed! And sometimes when I think too much of these things I start to think that maybe I am too full of myself to think that there will be people who read what I write.
But these are just momentary thoughts! Just a few moments of self doubts that do more than just make me take stock of myself and what I do. I believe that I am my own worst critic. I believe that these moments do good for me and would do good to many of you too. I need it more than most of you because while you all have family and friends to keep yourself grounded, I do not. And sometimes I miss the counsel of peers and friends. I miss the proximity of companions that do more than listen and discuss things with you – they also have no inhibitions in telling you that you are wrong. All this you must endure in equal doses of give and take. But those days of banter and chatter are long gone for today I cherish my own company much too much to share it with others.
And as I grow old I begin to understand only too well my Father who grew old by himself after my Mother passed away much too soon before her time. I understand that old age is what you make of it. Good, bad, profitable or otherwise…it is yours to squander or to enjoy.
Today is Friday. I have nothing to do today. No appointments to keep, no chores to be done, no promised that I have made to myself or others to fulfil and yet I have been busy.
I have been awake since 4.30 a.m. Powering my iBook on awaking and surfing the NET – mostly on matters Malaysian. It is now almost 2 p.m. and in between awaking and now the time has passed pleasantly for me. And II still have the rest of the day to enjoy….and lunch to look forward to. If I was in Bangsar I would have pop down to Mahboob in Lucky Gardens and get myself a Nasi Brianyi Ayam for lunch. Here I will make myself a toasted sandwich and have it at my work desk as I continue to work on my blog. Life is good…BN or PKR can wait! And then of course there are the Beatles!