The "I am Malaysian" quiz.

You become wealthy in Malaysia when:

·      Your Father in Law is Prime Minister.

·      Your Father is Prime Minister.

·      When you become Prime Minister

·      All of the above.

Which of the following can you join but leave only in a body bag?

·      The Mafia.

·      Taliban.

·      Islam.

·      All of the above.

UMNO is known for the following reason:

·      The largest political organization in Malaysia.

·      The longest continuing ruling party in the world.

·      An equal opportunity political organization that accepts criminals and pedophile amongst its member.

·      All of the above.

When you are asked to pull over by PDRM for a minor traffic infringement which of the following must you do first:

·      Stop speaking on the mobile phone. Bring the car to a stop at a safe spot. Engage the gear in neutral and switch off the engine.

·      Bring the car to an immediate stop. Check how much cash you have and put the amount you think appropriate in between your license and wait for the police officer to ask for your license.

·      Smile and ask “Tolong sikit Latuk. Boleh selesai?”

When asked to go to the side of the road by a patrol car escorting a VVIP car to allow the VVIP to pass, do you:

·      Immediately pull over and wait for the VVIP to pass.

·      Roll down the car window, give the patrol car the finger and speed off.

·      Roll down the window and brandish a machine gun at the patrol car to show that you are better armed than him and then wait to see if he understands what it is you are telling them.

If you happen to meet Rosmah in a Shopping Mall in Milan do you:

·      Pretend you are not Malaysian and continue with what you are doing.

·      Smile, nod respectfully and asks politely “ Shopping Datin Seri?”

·      Smile, nod politely and tells her “Hermes ada special hari ini Datin Seri” and point politely to where Hermes is.

Shop for Hermes special sale

Auth HermesBirkin 35 ...

$28291.84

HermesBirkin35 ...

$27407.17

Vintage HermesParis

$2473.99

Special SALE. 70s Vintage ...

$2265.93

If you are a Civil Servant and you are attending a Pakatan Rakyat ceramah do you wear a cap because:

·      You get a headache when the sun is shining into your eyes?

·      It is cool to do so.

·      Because you want to cover your face in case Special Branch is taking pictures?

When you go to Najib’s Hari Raya open house do you go there because:

·      You want to convey to Najib and Rosmah your best Hari Raya Wishes, wish them long life and tell them that you will always vote for UMNO

·      You want ketupat, rending and some duit raya.

·      You think that the Hari Raya open house is a great tradition and you want to be part of it because it shows that even a great leader like Najib is still one with the rakyat  even if it is only for one day of the year!

You want to meet with Ibrahim Ali because:

·      You believe in the cause that Perkasa champions and it will fulfill the promise you made to your dying father to convey to Ibrahim your father’s best wishes for him to continue with his work for the Malays.

·      You want to see how tall Ibrahim Ali is.

·      You want to throw him a banana!

If your house is near a mosque what do you do when you hear the Azan?

·      If you are Malay you take your ablutions, roll out the prayer mat and pray.

·      If you are Malay you take your ablution and make your way to the mosque to join the faithful in their prayers.

·      If you are not Malay, turn up the volume of your TV!

You go to 7 Eleven to buy:

·      The New Straits Time.

·      Utusan Melayu.

·      Malay Mail.

·      None of the above. You just want to get a slurpee in the clear cup.

When you get into the taxi you do the following:

·      If the taxi driver is a Malay you hantam the Chinese.

·      If the taxi driver is an Indian you have to find out first whether he still support Samy Velu or he supports DAP – then hantam the one that he does not support.

·      If the taxi driver is a Chinese you tell him that you support DAP.

·      You cannot talk because you have a headache listening to the radio blaring away some Indian Bollywood songs and the Indian driver looks too much like a gangster for you to complain.

When you have a meal with your friends you:

·      Always pay for the meal.

·      Always expect your friend to pay for the meal.

·      Always excuse yourself when you know the bill is on the way so that you do not have to fight with your friend to pay the bill.

·      None of the above because you only eat at halal outlets with other Malays. Everybody pays for his or her own meal.

When you discuss politics with anybody:

·      You declare that you support Najib Razak because he has been duly elected as Prime Minister at the last general election.

·      You declare that you support Anwar Ibrahim because he has been robbed of the Prime Minister ship even though he won the popular vote.

·      You rather keep your views to yourself in case the Special Branch is close by.

You live in Malaysia because:

·     You have nowhere else to go.

·      You are waiting for your PR approval from the Australian Embassy.

·      You are waiting for your son to send for you. He already has PR in Australia.

·      Malaysia is your Tanah Tumpah Darakku. 

HABIS!