Clothes come off ... Christchurch couple caught having an affair in the office.Source: Supplied
OPINION by Claire Hooper
To the NZ couple at the heart of this office sex scandal, I say: You knew what you were doing.
I’m married to a New Zealander and I’ve checked with him. Yes, they’ve all heard of the internet there. And yes, they got smartphones when we did.
You two knew what you were doing, and now your families know too.
This is the worst bit. That there is a fiance, a wife and some kids involved. It was much more fun to laugh at them before we realised it was adultery. The wife saw the pictures on Facebook and hasn’t stopped crying. I have no idea how hard it is right now for his children.
The tinted office windows didn’t block a thing.Source: Supplied
The fiance I don’t feel as sorry for. I reckon he dodged a bullet. He’s avoided marrying someone who’s not just unfaithful, but who’s a bit of an idiot.
Fact: If you stand next to a window with your pants off, you will be snapped.
And if you’re not just standing still — if you’re in the middle of chasing another nude human around an office next to that window — then you can be certain your adoring public will flick over from ‘photo’ to ‘video’ and capture something even more valuable to share on Facebook.
You can’t NOT know that.
The patrons of The Carlton Bar & Eatery saw it all.Source: Supplied
So I don’t buy this ‘we thought the windows were tinted’ line for a second.
I figure the fact that they were by a window means they were at the point in their affair where they’re looking for new excitement.
If the risk of being overseen wasn’t crucial to the enjoyment of the moment, then they would’ve been where any respectable office affair is conducted: the stationery cupboard.
Yes, stationery cupboards. Remember them? They still exist. Everybody loves to steal a little booty from the stationary cupboard, whether it’s 2B pencils or, well, booty. And don’t tell me he didn’t have the code to the door — he was a manager there, for chrissakes.
Which in my opinion just confirms how cruel the incident was. Both parties have now been discovered to have partners. She a fiance, he a wife. And kids! If just for the kids, keep it in the stationery cupboard!
Or the stairwell.
Or the parking garage.
Or, um, I don’t know, how bout the nice apartment you buy together with your half of the money after you do the right thing and wait til the divorce papers come through before stripping off and itemising each other’s body parts?
Should have kept it in the stationary cupboard!Source: Supplied
Look, in the good old days, we used to be able to get naked for fun all the time.
On a trip to the beach in ‘95 my friends and I all dared each other to go skinny dipping. Then everyone stole my clothes and towel and I had to scurry back to the house and through the kitchen to the sound of their laughter.
And I had nothing to fear. Back then the most sophisticated phone anyone owned was the Nokia 2110. And the closest you could get to capturing my moment of nudity would be to type the numbers 80085. And, hey, they could be anyone’s boobs.
These days, if I was enjoying a nice relaxing beach skinny dip (lovely on a Sunday), and someone pinched all my clothes, I would just turn and swim towards the horizon. Because nowadays every single human hand is attached to a device that is itself attached to every human eye on the planet. It’s that simple.
People can talk all they like about whether this couple’s privacy was violated when the pub crowd across the road uploaded film of their exploits. Yeah, I guess violated is the word. But it’s also the word for what this frolicking couple did to their partners and family. Violated their trust.
I wish the wronged parties all the best recovering from the ordeal.
Unlike their wayward, exhibitionist exes, I’m sure they will want things dealt with behind closed doors from here on, keeping all the tears and drama away from the eyes of amateur photographers and social media sites. After all, Woman’s Day pays way better for the interview if you can offer exclusivity.