The Cape Times (Cape Town)

“I have promised to keep his identity confidential,” said JACK maxim, a spokeswomen for the SANDTON SUN Hotel, Johannessburg, “but I can confirm that he is no longer in our employment”

“We asked him to clean the lifts, and he spent four days on the job. When I asked him why, he replied,” Well, there are forty of them, two on each floor, and sometimes some of them are not even there.” Eventually we realized that he thought each floor had a different lift, and he had cleaned the same two lift twelve time”.

“We had to let him go. It seems best all around. I understand he is now working for Woolworth”.

The Star (Johannesburg).

“The situation is absolutely under control,” Transport Minister Ephraem Magagula told the Swaziland Parliament in Mbabane. “Our Nations merchant navy is perfectly safe. We just don’t know where it is, that’s all.”

Replying to an MP’s question, Minister Magagula admitted that the landlocked country had completely lost track of its only ship, the Swazimar.

“We believe it is in a sea somewhere. At one time we sent a team of men to look for it, but there was a problem with drink and they failed to find it, and so technically, yes, we’ve lost it. But I categorically reject all suggestions of incompetence on the part of this government.

“The Swazimar is a big ship painted in the sort of bright colors you can see at night. Mark my words, it will turn up. The right honorable gentleman opposite me is a very naughty man, and he will laugh on the other side of his face when my ship comes in”.

From a Zimbabwean Newspaper.  

While transporting mental patients from Harare to Bulawyo, the bus driver stopped at a roadside shebeen (beerhall) for a few beers. When he got back to his vehicle, he found it empty with the 20 patients nowhere to be seen. Realizing the trouble he was in if the truth was uncovered, he halted his bus at the next bus stop and offered lift to those in the queue. Letting 20 people on board he then shut the door and drove straight to the Bulawayo mental hospital, where he hastily handed over his ‘charges’, warning the nurses that they were particularly excitable. Staff removed the furious passengers. It was three days later that suspicions were roused by the consistency of stories from the 20. As for the real patients  - nothing was heard of them and they have apparently blended comfortably back into Zimbabwean society.