For those of you who thinks that life must be hard for me and my son....don't. For those of you who are thinking that I deserve a better life in my twilight years and that my son should be enjoying his life in other ways......again, don't. And if there are any of you who feel that we are caught in a time freeze beyond our control where we are required to take care of my wife who has dementia ....once again, I say don't.
Don't think any of those thoughts.
Yes we have to do everything for her. Yes we have to wipe her dripping nose every now and then. I get exasperated because she keeps grabbing everything within her reach when I am giving her a shower and of course she never says "thank you" for everything that we do for her....all this we will gladly endure and more, to have her living in the apartment with us.
All this and more we will do just to see her, at end the end of the day, fall asleep within minutes of us giving her the final change and wash of the day so as to make sure that we put her to sleep clean and dry minus her dentures that we need to soak overnight and wash again in the morning for her to use the next day. And I mention the dentures because we must not forget to remember to have her take it out herself before she gets too sleepy to do so....if she gets too sleepy...then taking the dentures out becomes harder than trying to figure out if that dark skinned man at PWTC is a Tamil, an Indian or a senior Umno politician who also happens to be Chairman of Tabung Haji!
We have been doing this for the last two, going on to three years...though it has become more intense and demanding these last few months as my wife's dementia takes more of her from us with a vengeance that sometimes has to be seen to be believed.
Forget what she could do last year...forget what she could do six months ago. We now talk in terms of months...weeks even, as her physical abilities diminish at an alarming pace. Notwithstanding that, her memory is still quiet intact except for the things that she has forgotten to do - she has not forgotten my son and me! For how long more it will be so is in the laps of the gods. We take each day as it comes.
For those of you who are also caring for loved ones with varying degrees of afflictions and illness I know that the best times of the day is when they fall asleep ...for you then have your own "me" time to chill and do things for yourself....but we all know that even in those times our thoughts are still of the coming days and what it will bring to our loved ones.
All things considered we - my son, my wife and me - would not want to have it any other way. Life is good.