1) "When your clothes are made of cassava leaves, you don’t take a goat as a friend."
2) "If you are ugly, you are ugly. Stop talking about inner beauty because men don’t walk around with X-ray machines to see inner beauty"
3) "When one’s goat gets missing, the aroma of a neighbour’s soup gets suspicious."
4) "Treat every part of your towel nicely because the part that wipes your buttocks today will wipe your face tomorrow"
5) "Sometimes you look back at girls you spent money on rather than send it to your mum and you realise witchcraft is real"
6) "If President Barack Obama wants me to allow marriage for same-sex couples in my country (Zimbabwe), he must come here so that I marry him first."
7) "What is the problem with deporting white men from Africa? We now have aeroplanes which can take them back quicker than the ships used by their ancestors."
8) "Cigarette is a pinch of tobacco rolled in a piece of paper with fire on one end and a fool on the other end.
9) Interviewer: "Mr President, when are you bidding the people of Zimbabwe farewell?"
Robert Mugabe: "Where are they going?"
10) "if I am given chance to travel through time, I will go back to 1952 and find Tun Razak, Najib's father and give him a condom"