steadyaku47

Monday, 13 March 2017

Dementia, Melbourne and Life.


My Wife and our children many many years ago before dementia. 

Dementia moves relentlessly in those it affects. 

I had a vague recollection initially about what dementia was about when the illness was first mentioned to me by the doctor who was examining my wife a week after we arrived in Melbourne. By the second year my wife was already physically weaken to the extent that she needed me to hold on to her to steady her when she walks. By the third year she lost her ability to talk. All these changes happens as you grapple with the reality of having to deal with dementia daily. It is indeed a very steep learning curve which punishes those who do not adapt themselves adequately to deal with a loved one who has Dementia.  

In the second year I remember getting angry at the whole situation. I was unable to understand why my wife could no longer be part of the life that we have had together since we were 21 and 23 respectively. It took me a while to come to terms with the fact that while we were still together, I would have to do many things alone....and this hits me hard when I want to go out for a walk, a drive or just sit down to talk about life with her. 


I still remember the last lucid conversation that we had while sitting in the cafe across the road from the apartments where we live. It was a Sunday morning and we walked there together...slowly...and I asked the waitress for her favourite drink : a Cappuccino. I sprinkled the sugar over the coffee the way she likes it. At that time she could still use the spoon to scoop the sugar and the froth up and into her mouth while I made small talk. I looked at her and told her that I loved her very much...and asked her if she knew that I loved her? She nodded her head. I asked her how did she knew....and she said..."I can see it in your eyes". That was the last decent conversation I remember having with her...and it seems such a long long time ago. 

Just six months back the care nurse told us that she thinks it would be good if we start looking at a hoist to move my wife from her bed to whereever it was we wanted to take her in our apartment. I was not to keen on getting a hoist for I thought that between my son and me, we could move her to anywhere she was going...after all we already had a wheelchair to do that. But she persisted. By the time we got the hoist, about three months later, we were grateful for the hoist because it is very hard to move someone around when they are unable to assist you in any way. The hoist enables us to move her around our small apartment in the least stressful way for her and for us. 

It is now 7.42 AM. Time to do some housework and "start" the week ......though I think it is a holiday today because it is Labor Day and the start of the Moomba Festival.  Click the link if you want to know more about it. Even while living in Melbourne my mind is still on K Hell time....you guys are starting the week there....and when you guys starts the week on a Monday...so does steadyaku47. Salam. 

"The book of life is brief. Once a page is read, all but love is dead"..