cakap cakap...at this age I do not sleep well....

Early Sunday morning. 

It’s 7.10am and I have been awake since 5 a.m. My thoughts are all over the place. As I lie awake in my bed beside my wife of over 40 years my hope is that we will have many many more years together. Her dementia has stabilized. The medication she takes has helped and quality of life is good. As I told her last night, for me the best part of the day is going to sleep holding on to each other……and always she lets go before I do!

But at this age I do not sleep well.

I am woken up from sleep by too many things. The heat, the cold, the cat meowing for her morning feed, thoughts of clothing to be ironed, dishes and laundry to be washed, articles to write…almost anything that passes through my mind wakes me up. I am a light sleeper and rare are the nights when I can get through six hours of uninterrupted sleep….but I am loathe to take anything to help me sleep better.

Lately I have begun to realize that I am unsteady on my feet if I move too quickly. When I stand up I must do so slowly and steadily – no sudden movements or I will start to sway and have to hold onto something to keep myself from falling over.     

I also know what ‘creaking joints’ mean. Your joints literally creak, pop and make alarming noises from time to time without warning – and not only does it alarms you but sometimes it hurts and you need to wait a while for the pain to go away before you move again.

Mentally I can claim to be very active. I read a lot and write a lot but I know that when a thought comes to me I must immediately put it down in my PC or on paper or it will be gone within a few minutes - literally gone and I will not be able to recall what it was that was in my mind a few minutes ago…what more a few hours.

All this is part of growing old? I don’t really know but it is what is now my lot. No complains. Just a matter of adjusting to changing circumstances. Routine is preferred and I do not suffer interference from others gladly. I enjoy my own company most!

Thus is my lot at 65 going on to 66 soon. Eternity beckons but I know not where it really is. Immortality is a myth and you now know what the ‘twilight of your years’ entails…but it is not too unpleasant. More than anything else the pleasure of having your love ones around you makes everything else almost bearable. Everything else passes by at a pace that never hurries. Most times as I go to sleep these words play in my head 

A Child's Bedtime Prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep.
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake,
I pray to God my soul to take.
If I should live for other days,
I pray the Lord to guide my ways.

Father, unto thee I pray,
Thou hast guarded me all day;
Safe I am while in thy sight,
Safely let me sleep tonight.
Bless my friends, the whole world bless;
Help me to learn helpfulness;
Keep me every in thy sight;
So to all I say good night.

I have lived and am still living an interesting life. God bless.