Wednesday, 6 May 2015

It is already been established that sex on a camel is within the limits of the Islamic Penal code! So no problem there. What's next?

To be honest I don't care what any Mufti, or any authoritative or knowledgeable Muslim clerics, Jakim and Jawi included - has to say about what I can or cannot do in Islam. I can think for myself and so can my wife and what we do in our life before or after marriage is no body's business but ours...especially in matters of sex.

Now if my spouse or your partner is not in the mood for sex I am sure we all do what any normal red blooded male will do : SULK! I am not going to go looking for the newspaper to show them that article where that Perak Mufti Harussani said that women had no right of refusal to any sex request from their husband  even if they are on a camel!

You want to know why?

First of all Mufti or no Mufti you and I know that when our partner says no it means we are not going to get any sex - unless you have a a 10 carat diamond ring on stand by to be used to try and get them to change their minds when the wife or partner says "NO". And that too is still no guarantee you are going to "get it". 

Now imagine what will happen if my wife or your partner brings us the newspaper report from that other Mufti declaring that men are not suppose to pull out without the permission of their women or partner? Check mate ma! Women can go on forever but man must stop once in a while if they want it to go on a bit longer....and if we cannot pull out must use condom ma! How to enjoy with condom? Nudge nudge wink wink....

These religious clerics also tells us that we men can have sex with slaves and with women captured in war - sex is halal with these women. And if we die fighting in the cause of a Jihad we will have 77 (at the last count lah...maybe more next week!) vestal virgins waiting to obey our command at the first drop of blood that we shed....note no need to die...just shed a drop of blood is good enough!

I know what most women will say. They will say that you can have all the  slaves and women captured in war to have sex with but no right thinking women will be going to war just to look for sex nor will they be spending any of their hard earned money to buy slaves.

Do YOU know of any women who will go to war just to have sex? Aiyah they got more brains than to do that....but men always think with their u know what better way to make men go to war than the promise that they can get as much sex as they want by capturing women for sex or, if you are really lucky, get themselves killed for sex! Men's stupidity sometimes knows no limits.  

As for the 77 vestal virgins waiting for Jihadists  when they die...the smart women will say that the men can have all the sex they want when they are dead. As far as the women are concern they prefer to focus on having sex while they are still alive. These women know that even in the best of times a man whose is not dead might have some parts of their body that is already dead! You know what I mean lah. Nudge nudge wink wink...again! The Malays have a word for it..."mati puchuk"...go ask Berahim Berok, he might know first hand what that means! 

And then there are those religious clerics who declare that a women's body is there to be used by her husband as he thinks fit and no consent is required from the wife whenever the men feel like "doing it". So no rape in Islam just as long as his demands are within the limits of the Islamic penal code.

First things first. It is already been established that sex on a camel are within the limits of the Islamic Penal code! So no problem there.

Now with that out of the way let us proceed to where a lot of you have not ventured forth before.

What is forbidden under the Islamic Penal Code....please note I said Penal code not Penis code. Kapish? So do not get too excited!

adultery, male homosexuality, lesbianism, sexual procurement, accusations of adultery or homosexuality, use of alcoholic beverages, fighting, corruption on earth, and robbery, homicide or damage to bodily organs, crime against life or a bodily organ has been committed.....

....opps it has just been pointed out to me that corruption on earth is a crime! So how? I think we better go elsewhere rather than discuss the Islamic Penal Code because I do not want to upset the 3 million Muslims who are in Umno....formidable numbers there!  

Long story short....please guys use your brains and common sense in your relationship with members of the fairer sex. Like you, they can also think. They too have their likes and dislikes. If you are not man enough to go out and get sex in the usual way that we all do - be nice and behave yourself and if they still say no - then and only then...marry them. If all this does not get you sex then you really do have a problem and no amount of help from any quarters (especially quoting from religious men or books) can really help you. 

If all else fails...then you die standing lah....and I don't mean that you will die with a smile on your face because that "thing" is standing. Go ask a Chinese what that means because since Umno have been in power a lot of Chinese have "died standing!" Amen!

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