Laughter....GOLF.

A Golfing Story
......be honest...
_________________

John, who lived in the north of England, decided to go golfing in Scotland with his buddy, Chris.

So they loaded up John's minivan and headed north.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.

So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained, 'and I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.'

'Don't worry,' John said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.'

The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of golf.

But about nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney.

It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the golf weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Chris and asked, "Chris, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our golf holiday in Scotland about 9 months ago ?"
'Yes, I do,' said Chris.

'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit ?'

'Well, um, yes!,' Chris said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'

'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name ?'

Chris's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask ?'

'She just died and left me everything.!!'
.......................................

And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you ?...
It does not pay to lie.....

Australians arrested for stripping down to Malaysian flag underwear at Formula One

 

Photo: The Australian men stripped off their clothes to reveal Malaysian flag underwear.

 

Nine Australian men who wore underwear emblazoned with the Malaysian flag have been arrested after allegedly stripping at Sunday's Formula One race in Kuala Lumpur.

The men, aged between 25 and 29, were arrested about 5:00pm (local time) on Sunday while watching the grand prix, won by Australian racer Daniel Ricciardo, at the Sepang International Circuit.

Pictures of the incident were posted on social media by fellow spectators. Their pictures showed the group holding up an Australian flag, while wearing the Malaysian-themed underwear with the words "Budgy smuggler" across the back.

Sepang Police chief ACP Abdul Aziz Ali said the Australians were being remanded for four days from Monday and were being investigated for indecent behaviour in a public place and disrespecting the national flag, according to Malaysian reports.

Chief executive officer of the Sepang International Circuit Datuk Razlan Razali told New Straits Times the Australian men deserve to be "locked up, investigated and taken action against".

"This shows a huge lack of respect to us as Malaysians; this is stupid behaviour from foreigners who have no sense of cultural sensitivity and respect.

"It embarrasses their own country as well, it gives Australians a bad name."

The Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade has told the ABC they are providing consular assistance to the group.

Laughter....Vaseline and Sex

Here is one of them:


A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet.

He says, "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?"

She says, 'Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.'

'And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?'

'We use it for sex.'

The researcher was a little taken back. 'Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge.

But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?'

The woman says, 'I don't mind telling you at all...my husband and I put it on the door knob so the kids can't open the door!'

Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually) since he views females as a sub human form of property thereby having no rights, including refusal of his sexual demands.

steadyaku47 comment : I came across this on the FB of Chong Vai Loong

Very interesting reading....enjoy.

Arundhati Roy wrote a lot of letters to the National Security Council (India), complaining about the treatment of arrested terrorist being held in National Correctional System facilities. She demanded a response to her letter correspondence. 

She received back the following reply:

National Security Advisor ,
South Block, Raisina Hill,
New Delhi-110011

Dear Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for your recent letter expressing your profound concern of treatment of the ISIS and LeT terrorists captured by Indian Forces who were subsequently transferred to National Correctional System facilities.

Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinions were heard loud and clear here in New Delhi. You will be pleased to learn, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself; we are creating a new department here at the Department of National Defense, to be called 'Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers' program, or L.A.R.K. for short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to divert one terrorist and place him in your personal care. Your personal detainee has been selected and is scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence in Mumbai next Monday.

Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint! It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommend in your letter. Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his 'attitudinal problem' will help him overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences.

We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling.' Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group. Please advise any friends, neighbors or relatives as your house guest might get agitated or even violent, but we are sure you can reason with him. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him

Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually) since he views females as a sub human form of property thereby having no rights, including refusal of his sexual demands. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will "recommend" as more appropriate attire. I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka over time. Just remember that it is all part of 'respecting his culture and religious beliefs' as described in your letter.

Thanks again for your concern. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job and care for our fellow man. You take good care of Ahmed and remember we'll be watching.

Good luck and God bless you

Cordially,

Ajit Doval
National Security Advisor

cakap cakap ....why don't the politicians fight their own fight?

These last few days I have seen many images of young Malays gathered in large numbers intimidating, harassing and terrorising other Malaysians. An army of Red Shirts, let loose upon an unsuspecting population, hell bent on imposing their physical presence upon those who seek to oust their political masters from office.

This is nothing new. Both sides of the political divide have no hesitation in "using" the masses to fight their fight.

Be it Reformasi, Bersih or the Red Shirts the right and wrong of what they do will depend from what perspective you view the "cause" that they are fighting for, but invariably, these are the "frontline" that will decide the success or failure of what their political masters wants to do. And thereby hangs a tale.

Refomasi and Bersih had their own army of Malaysians who "volunteered" life and limb for causes that they think are far far better than their own. They fought running battles with law enforcement authorities and were subject to whatever force and trauma PDRM deemed fit to unleashed upon them.

There is no doubt that what has prevented our nation from descending totally into chaos and anarchy is the presence of the law enforcement authorities who were tasked with managing the Reformasi and Bersih activists in a manner that would not threaten the "national security" of our nation.....as dictated by their political masters. The right and wrong of what PDRM does is, again, dependent on which side of the political divide you chose to be.

So what of the Red Shirts?

Like those activists in Reformasi and Bersih, these Red Shirts are also doing the bidding of their political masters, and their political masters is Umno. What then, we must ask, is the agenda of Umno in putting the Red Shirts on the frontline of their fight with the opposition?

How will the Red Shirts be used by Umno?

The Red Shirts will do what activists in Reformasi and Bersih do. Advance the political agenda of their political masters. Let us not quibble over the right and wrong of what they do nor do I want to question the manner by which intend to do so....all this will be dictated by their political masters.

What concerns me is simply this : The Reformasi and the Bersih activists were well and truly managed and contained by PDRM and any undue "exuberance" from the activists were met full on by the overwhelming might of PDRM.

Now who will contain and managed the Red Shirts should their "exuberance" in carrying out the wishes of Umno gets physical....gets very physical. Will PDRM do to the Red Shirts what they have done to the Refomasi and Bersih crowd or will PDRM be complicit with The Red Shirts in carrying out the political will of Umno?

This is my hope : Reformasi, Bersih or the Red Shirts - whatever their differences...go fight your battle between yourself and leave safe our cities, our people and all the values we all hold dear. .....or better still....let their political masters fight their own battles among themselves and leave our people be.      

Time for Malaysia's Najib to Step Aside

The premier needs to give his country a much-needed respite.

By Luke Hunt

October 02, 2016

Prime Minister Najib Razak insists he will cooperate with international authorities charged with investigating a massive misappropriation of funds from 1Malaysia Development Berhad (1MDB), saying he is equally concerned about good governance.

But if he was serious – and believed his own sermons about the strength of Malaysia’s governance – then he would listen to pro-democracy advocates, like Bersih, and live up to the best of democratic traditions by standing aside until investigations are completed.

“We are equally concerned about good governance in Malaysia and the rule of law,” the prime minister recently told journalists. “So within the bounds of good governance and the rule of law, Malaysia will do its best to cooperate and to do whatever is necessary.”

Rarely has any regional leader come under attack for such a sustained period amid a raft of controversies linked to stolen money, murder, international finance, and military contracts.

Bersih is planning a protest rally on November 19, demanding Najib’s immediate resignation and calling for an independent investigation into the 1MDB, which was founded by Najib in 2009 to invest in strategic property and energy projects.

Previous Bersih rallies have been met with a heavy-handed response under Najib’s orders, with authorities using tear gas and truncheons.

By standing aside, Najib would not be resigning. Instead, a caretaker prime minister could be appointed by the ruling United Malays National Organization (UMNO) and the Barisan Nasional coalition.

Najib would be free to resume his post as prime minister if cleared. Until then, Najib can prepare his defense but more importantly his country and its bureaucracy can continue to function with this embarrassing mess cauterized and isolated before the courts.

Investigations into scandals of other politicians, such as former U.S. President Richard Nixon and Watergate, pale when compared with those confronting Najib, as well as the innuendo surrounding the First Lady Rosmah Mansor.

At least five other countries have also launched investigations into 1MDB and allegations of misappropriation of funds.

French courts have also initiated legal action over allegations of bribery with the acquisition of two Scorpene submarines by Malaysia in 2002 when Najib was the defense minister. That involved $1.2 billion in arms sales, about half the money missing from 1MDB.

In the United States, prosecutors filed civil lawsuits about two months ago alleging that more than $3.5 billion was defrauded from 1MDB. It also refers to an unnamed high-ranking official who apparently received some of the missing funds. Media reports quoting sources – including Reuters dispatches – say the unnamed official is Najib.

And both cases have been linked to murder. A young female translator, Altantuya Shaariibuu, who worked on the submarine deal, was shot and her body blown to bits with C4 explosives. An investigator from Malaysia’s attorney general’s department, Kevin Morais, was found stuffed in an oil drum filled with cement and dumped in a river.

In between, Najib’s tenure has fractured Malaysian society under rising Islamic militancy and the bullying of smaller religions that have been banned from using words such as Allah, because they are not Muslims. He has also resisted calls for elections, not due till 2018, to be held early.

Malaysia’s struggling democracy has also been blighted by the jailing of opposition leader Anwar Ibrahim. Human rights advocates said he was imprisoned on trumped-up charges, designed to remove him from the political landscape after he won the popular vote at the last election in 2013.

UMNO and BN were re-elected then, but with a sharply reduced majority, which was only made possible through gerrymandering. By standing aside, Najib would take the sting out of Bersih and sharply reduce the ugly scenes, like the tear gassing of a hospital by police in 2011, that have accompanied their demonstrations in recent years.

His resignation would also provide a much need political circuit breaker in a country desperate for some kind of respite after years of heated controversy.

Luke Hunt can be followed on Twitter @lukeanthonyhunt

Kerajaan ada "cash flow" problem ka?

steadyaku47 comment : I posted this letter earlier this morning but took it down because I had some doubts as to it's authenticity. Made some enquiries and still have my doubts  - one source told me that the letter was retracted and then cancelled and another source told me that it was retracted because the government was not sure that they will have the money by October 15th....but the contents is interesting and  I thought you guys should read it too ....and make your own mind up as to it's authenticity. You have been warned.  regards.

Red Shirt....."tak rugi ikut!

Street Piano and Violin Duet in New York.

Suzie Q

We will know.....

Listen not, to what other say. 

Read not, what others write. 

Think not what others think.  

That, in essence, is what Najib and Umno expect of every Umno member and any BN supporter. 

Katak bawah tempurung! 

And yet they know that their world is closing down around them! They know that as their past and current misdeeds catches up with them, time will decide their fate. Time will show them to be the liars, scammers, thieves and robbers that they are. And with each passing day they are made aware that there is a time and a season for everything....a time when Anwar Ibrahim will be released, a time when Najib and Rosmah will no longer be at Seri Perdana, a time when all those complicit in the pillaging and plunder of our nation's coffers will be hauled up to made accountable for what they have done and a time when you and me can claim back our life, our country and decide our future.

That time is drawing near. 

It is drawing near in parts because of what the opposition, what Bersih, what Anwar, Mahathir, Mahyuddin and what you and me have done in our efforts to bring about change....but if truth be told, the end of Najib, Rosmah, Umno and BN is drawing to a close simply because the critical mass needed to bring about change in our country are now ready for change......it is wanting of change...in fact it is demanding of change! 

Najib, Umno and BN may still have deep pockets....but those deep pockets are begining to run short of change for them to continue to spend money they do not have. Not Petronas, not the GST not Tabung Haji, EPF, Khazanah not even 1MDB can continue to satisfy their greed.  

Najib, Umno and BN may have large armies....but look closely at the "soldiers" in these armies and you will find dissent aplenty and at times, outright mutiny. Consider those who are already leaving Umno for PPBM, those within the government who are already with the opposition and sympathetic to the opposition cause and consider those "soldiers" within this army who are now brave enough to voice dissent and debate the right and wrong of what this government does in the name of government and you can clearly see a disaster looming within the "large army" that Najib, Umno and BN think they still have.
 

And "yes" God seems to be on their side too....and why not....Jakim, Jawi, the Muftis and many many religious entities and individuals are on their payroll.....and here is the thing about these Muslims who now seems complicit with this corrupt and arrogant BN government..... here and there you will detect a fissure in their unity....maybe not yet visible to the naked eye....but when push comes to shove, the goodness within religious men and women will come to the fore and overcome the evil that religion sometimes do.

Overtly, noisily and certainly more and more courageously by the day, those against Najib, Umno and BN are standing up to be counted...and you need only to look at what PPBM has been able to achieve since there was talk of it coming into being just a few months back! Today Mahathir is talking about getting one million members to be with PPBM....and where will that million come from? That is for us to know and for Najib, Umno and BN to find out!

For most of us, to continue to have to wait for the change that has been so long in coming, seems unbearable. We want change to happen last year, last month....last week,....yesterday and yet it has not. How long more must we wait?

And that my friends is the danger that awaits this nation today. 

We are close to breaking point. Race, religion, and all our differences have been thrown at us to rapture whatever grace, respect and tolerance that has ever been possible between us all. When we should be looking to each other for union against this corrupt Najib, Umno and BN, some of us are instead viewing each other with suspicion and hate....accentuating the negative even where nothing really divides us.....instilling fear within some of us as to  the intentions of our own brothers and sisters. This is the way of those who are bankrupt of anything else but the fear of what will happened to them when political power that they have abused for their personal gain, is lost.     

But there is hope.

This prime minister of ours and his obnoxious wife no longer trip the light fantastic across the globe in private jets at our expenses at will! They have to consider if it is wise for them to tempt fate by going to New York where the US Department of Justice has already got the FBI busy doing what our Law Enforcement Authorities should have done about 1MDB a long time ago! 

Ministers in his cabinet are told in no uncertain terms by the people of Malaysia that what they have done and what they now do in the name of government, they will be held accountable for !

And today we know that anything done by this government, right or wrong, will be conveyed to the Malaysian Public in real time through the many medium of communication that we are now blessed with. 

        

If Rosmah ventures into Hermes in Germany, if Najib is brave enough to face questions from the foreign media, if either of them even coughs....we will know. 

If there is a single branch member from an Umno branch in Pahang or Hutan Melintang leaves Umno to join PPBM, we will know.

And the moment Zahid makes a move to take what he thinks is his by default...we will know!

That all this will happen is given because the time has come to talk of what comes after Najib, what comes after Umno and BN, and more critical, how will the Rakyat decide who will lead them and what will their future be like. We live in interesting times......

 

  

 

        

One Way Ticket