Aishah, Zaiton Sameon,

Bobbie Gentry - Ode to Billie Joe

BREAD : IF

oops...bicycle

ooops BMW

Malaysian DPP to become YouTube sensation!

A picture is worth a thousand words…a video is priceless! I have been reading reports of this DPP making an ass of himself in the courts when questioning Dr. Pornthip but all I could do was to give a shrug of my shoulder to that possibility and put it down to the inability of the government to do anything well. And now the Attorney General’s chambers have released or upload videos of this DPP making an ass of himself. The first question I want to ask is why have they done so?

Why would the attorney General Chambers release a video into the public domain that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that their DPP is an idiot? Consider this:

DPP: “All the while you testify that somebody harm him. You said about strangulation. Or he strangle himself!”

Strangle oneself? How? And he went on to demonstrate it on himself. My only regret is that he did not allow himself to act it out right to the very end!

God almighty…this guy is going to be a YouTube sensation once the global community picks this up…and while he confirms his status as an idiot we in Malaysia will be shamed. We will be shamed because it is our Attorney General Chambers that will be highlighted. It will be our country that will be humiliated. And it will be our people’s shame to be known around the word for the idiotic manner in which our DPP went about questioning Dr: Pornthip. Malaysia boleh!

NAJIB and the Fainting Goat syndrome.

With apologies to the late Peter Sellers.

Every deathblow that Najib thought he had dealt to Anwar and Pakatan Rakyat has come back to haunt him mercilessly. It brings to my mind the antics of the imbecile Inspector Clouseau of Pink Panther fame - a bumbling and incompetent police inspector whose investigations are marked with chaos and destruction that he himself largely causes. His clumsy attempts at solving the case frequently lead to misfortune for himself and others!

Perak heralded Najib’s succession as King of all he surveyed in Malaysia….what a way to announce his entry into power …taking back Perak from the opposition! Yes this he did…but at what cost?

Since February 2009 until today Perak is in flux. Azlan’s Shah neutrality as Sultan of Perak was sorely tested and questioned by the people of Perak because Najib dragged the Sultan into the mess. The State Assembly has now descended into a place of chaos and farce resembling wrestling within the rings of the WWF. Without PDRM overwhelming presence in the State Assembly, the state government installed by Najib cannot even exert its authority within the house, what more the state. Predictably the three opposition assemblymen that crossed over to Barisan Nasional were at one point or another involved in money politics, outright corruption, paid sex and illicit sex.

If the by-election of the federal parliamentary seat in Bukit Gantang, won by Nizar with an increased majority, is any indication of things to come in Perak, then the opposition will win back Perak with an increased majority at the next election opportunity. And more worrying it confirmed Nizar’s, who stood for the Islamic PAS party, as having the ability to win overwhelming support from the Chinese and Indian voters – and his emergence as another capable opposition leader that will have much to contribute towards making life uncomfortable for Najib.

And then Sodomy Two. Here even Sang Kanchil with its legendary guile and cunning would have an impossible time trying to keep up with proceedings….and so the call goes out again to Inspector Cloueseau.

Every new day of this Sodomy Two adventure brings with it hilarity at its very best at the expense of Najib. From the bumbling start the evidence all point out to collusion between Najib and Saiful to concoct the sodomy two case against Anwar.

We were entertained to a tableau of anal or anus horribilis. For a country that is only now contemplating the necessity of sex education in schools we were given another Mahathir like show where anything and everything can and will be used to humiliate another Muslim, another Malay – if that is what it takes to rid UMNO of a troublesome adversary. The question of guilt or innocence, justice or fairness does not enter into the equation. 

Then as in all matters where Najib takes charge this punitive exercise predictably descended into farce. It started with an aide to Najib, Khairil Jusoh, the same Khairil Jusoh who posed with Saiful outside Najib’s Office, bonking each other.

Despite this Saiful, having, like Najib, used religion for his own purpose, was resolute in his resolve to go ahead with sodomy two.

Then the emergence of yet another sexual escapade – this time that of Saiful and Farah Azlina Latif, deputy public prosecutor (DPP) involved in the same case.

Another deafening silence.

Then just when it seems that all was quite on the western front another broadside from RPK. 

What about the AG fornicating with his own head of department? Ohhh the mind boggles with all the goings on in the Attorney General’s office!

Another deafening silence?

Yes it is possible! When you control the media in Malaysia that can be done. It is not a matter of if anyone will or will not, but a matter of when some one will tell Najib that the King has no clothes. Meantime our country lurches from one shambles to another!

The only thing that can top this is if you have Najib, Saiful and the Attorney General in a Ménage à trios…in bolehland is that possible?

Najib must be running out of ideas by now. UMNO’s support has slumped under him. There are now engaged in brinkmanship politics with MCA. MCA endorsement and support was crucial to Barisan Nasional holding on to power in the last general election and will be critical again in the coming election. Barisan Nasional has been damaged by revelations of Taib’s greed in Sarawak….something that has been under wraps until now.

UMNO handled the losses of the 12^th general election by heaping blame upon Pak Lah and installing Najib as president of UMNO. How will they handled their present impasse? With Muhyiddin? Well for a start Muhyiddin could hardly do worse then Najib…or could he? Ohhh the perils of being an unelected Prime Minister must be excruciating to bear.

UMNO has to decide who is to lead them. If they do not chose Muhyiddin now to lead them into the 13 general election will there be any UMNO left after the 13^th GE for anybody to lead? MCA is disintegrating. MIC is always what it has always been – a sideshow with a cast permanently headed Samy Velu. The premise that has allowed UMNO to stay in power for the last 53 years is rapidly losing its relevance – Ketuanan Melayu has become an anvil around UMNO’s neck. UMNO needs to cast it aside to get the Malays and the non Malays onto their side and yet UMNO’s very survival is dependent on keeping the ketuanan Melayu anvil around their neck! Damm if I do and damm if I don’t.

UMNO needs to connect with voters who are too keenly aware that UMNO politicians are corrupt, greedy and obsessed with power – and these same voters are too aware that their votes counts. Looking at all this it would seem that UMNO’s task is formidable.

But its current crisis is self-inflicted by a Prime Minister  -Mahathir – who has since left, and a current Prime Minister who has no clue on how to deal with a worsening political impasse. Najibs modus operandi is to ignore the elephant in the living room. Quite like the fainting goat that faints at any sign of stress or danger and then gets up again sometime later to proceed with life.


Fainting Goat: "A fainting goat is a breed of domestic goat whose muscles freeze for roughly 10 seconds when the goat is startled. Though painless, this generally results in the animal collapsing on its side. The characteristic is caused by a hereditary genetic disorder called myotonia congenita. When startled, younger goats will stiffen and fall over. Older goats learn to spread their legs or lean against something when startled, and often they continue to run about in an awkward, stiff-legged shuffle".


The question that the goat does not address is that if a predator were to be around while the goat was out for the count, it would be eaten up before he recovers from his faint! So I think Najibs would have to stop his fainting spell for now and remain wide awake to deal with the elephant in the room.

Malaysian are angry. You only need to mention politicians in a conversation and every one in the kampong will off and running after the proverbial pencuri brandishing an unsheathe parang or keris (whichever is handy) going after the pecuri.  But their anger is contained, slow- burning and building up in a passive aggressive manner. They will not put up with the politics of Barisan Nasional anymore.

UMNO claims of entitlement and wealth has made the ordinary people of this country understand that UMNO does not care about the ordinary Malaysians.

The only difference between Malaysian and the tin pot alley dictatorship in Africa is that here in Malaysia, UMNO clings to power legally. So bring in the 13^th  and let the people decide.

What political capital left by his father legacy has been frittered away recklessly as Najib prioritized his personal agendas over the nations. Without the political capital left by those before him Najib is bankrupt of ideas.

Hold this thought in your mind when you think of UMNO. Think of the ship orchestra fiddling away desperately for their dear life on a sinking ship. The Captain shouts encouraging words to the orchestra urging them to hold fast even as he steps into a lifeboat to safety. The orchestra is UMNO. Surely it is a measure of how desperate UMNO is if it is their own tongue that must be used to praise themselves! The only hope UMNO has is for a hopeless future. Amen

Jeopardy : Greg Kihn

UMNO : Stakeholders, Proxies & Money Politics.

Who are these people who are stakeholders for UMNO’s wealth? Proxies for UMNO’s business undertakings? Keepers of UMNO’s purses? I must confess that in all my years in KL I have yet to meet anyone who has identified himself or herself to me as being one of these individuals. I know of Malays who have become exceedingly wealthy because they are given contracts by the Barisan Nasional government. They secure these contracts mainly by giving bribes to UMNO politicians. They bribe to be pre qualified for the closed tenders, they bribe JKR to evaluate their submission favorably and if the tender needs cabinet approval, they bribe people in cabinet to approve their bid. All these are bribes given to individuals. Not to JKR or to UMNO but to individuals who work in JKR and to those in Cabinets who are UMNO members.

In as far as JKR are concern we can understand that the money given to these individuals working there is purely and simply a bribe.

Now how does UMNO becomes rich with the bribe we give to those in cabinet or to the political appointees in the various government ministries? I think the simple answer is this.

UMNO does not get rich with the bribes we give. The individuals we give the bribes are the one who keeps the money. What do they do with the bribes we give them?

First and foremost they take for themselves what they need…to pay for their living expenses, cars, holidays and to those who are so inclined, wine, women and song….…not necessarily in that order……and maybe bit more to put aside for rainy day….or another wife! 

Once that is all taken care of they will look at what they need to do to maintain their seat of power that allows them to take these bribes. Of course numero uno is his lord and master – his Minister. He will either give outright cash to the minister or take care of expenses incurred by his minister.

Then he has to make sure that the people around him and around his Minister are well fed. These people determine his political future i.e. vote for him at the UMNO election. These people are taken care on a monthly basis,on a one off basis or on a need basis. To do this well he will need not only large amount of money but he has to make sure that the money never dries up.

So the more bribes given the happier the members within UMNO will be. This gives the impression that UMNO is strong politically because it can take care of its own. 

So we can all see the need for money politics in UMNO. What happens if this source of money dries up? Then UMNO ceases to function. So my friends can you see UMNO killing itself? Can you see money politics, the life blood for UMNO, being taken out of UMNO? Is UMNO stupid enough to commit Hari Kiri? 

For anyone to commit Hari Kiri they must first understand what honor is. This is something UMNO does not have! So brace ourself for UMNO and money politics to be around for a long time. Where there is Abbot there is Costello. Where there is Laurel there will be Hardy....and you know what comes next! Where there is UMNO there will be money politics.    

Cakap cakap...Good Old Days

A long long time go in the 1960s and in a country far far away the Conservative party under Harold Macmillan was the government of the day in the United Kingdom. The Secretary of State for War was John Profumo and he was married to an actress by the name of Valerie Hobson. The Soviet Naval Attaché was Yevgeny ‘Eugene” Ivanov and living in London at the same time as these two was a girl called Christine Keeler.

Christine Keeler had a relationship with Profumo and Ivanov. This was the era of the Cold War and the potential ramification in terms of national security finally led to the resignation of Profumo on June 5 1963 and the resignation of Prime Minister Harold Macmillan in October of the same year.

But those were the days when Politicians were expected to do the right thing and they did! Here in Malaysia I was surprised to learn recently that our Tunku had a Chinese wife we did not even know about….well at least I did not know about it until recently. But then Tunku was a bon vivant “a person devoted to refined sensuous enjoyment (especially good food and drink)” and by now this was just one more story that made him a lovable rouge in a time when life was to be enjoyed.

I never remembered a time when I did not enjoy life in Malaysia. As we say one of life’s finest pleasure is food and this we have plenty of at prices too ridiculous to contemplate now that I am in Adelaide! In KL the Nasi Dagang in Kampong Baru, the Curry Puff at See Kee in Jalan Jati in Imbi and the gastronomic spread of food available in Bangsar are wonderful memories that will never leave me. And it is just not the eating of these foods that I enjoy… it is the whole experience of arriving at the destination, the getting of these wonderful delicacies and the actual consumption of them that blows my mind every time it happens.

And then there were the friends and acquaintances I had. The See Kee curry puff vendor always had a word he wanted to have with me. Not to discuss MCA’s latest folly but just a “Lu punya bini mana?” or “Saya punya anak sudak balek” …telling me that his son was back from his studies in overseas.

The mamak at Mahbub in Lucky Gardens, Bangsar was an import from either India or Bangla…I am not too sure which because his Malay was getting better by the day. He knows what I want when I go to the Briayani section but he still asks if I want the legs or the breast – and I always tell him the same thing…”kaki” and remind him that I wanted extra pappodam……and despite being a regular he will still charge me the extra 50 cents for the pappodam! But I am getting carried away with my memories …back to life in KL.

As I have said, most of the time I spent in KL was good until the last time I went back to KL to visit and stayed for many years until 2007. I sense a change amongst the Malays. What was once keen competition for business amongst the Malays now was a do or die struggle to survive. You need big money to live comfortably in KL. Big money can only be got with big projects. And the business was no longer falling into our Bumiputra laps…we had to go and get it from other Bumiputras. Keenness became a ‘take no prisoners’ mentality. You use whatever advantage you have to secure business. Contacts, politics, school mates….and most of all money was used in abundance to secure projects. Now I knew what the Chinese had to face when doing business and their plight must have been more desperate then me – a privileged Malay.

And yet I saw that Naza motors in Bangsar was selling top of the range Mercedes. And it seems that they were doing well. The cars lining up outside BSC up on the hill were the cream of the luxury cars – top of the range with drivers and servants galore helping their masters and mistresses into their waiting chariot. Life must be good for them. But that was BSC before ...not what it is now!

But whenever I went to immigration at Damansara to get an extension for my family’s stay in Malaysia I came face to face with the ugly Malaysians. The immigration officers who became our nightmare from hell. We are faced with a minimum wait of at least three to four hours or more every time we went there. And these civil servants were unable to understand that we, the public, were their reason for being there. But they tried to be polite. They tried to be courteous and there was a semblance of a system of a first come first serve basis but the heart of those working there was simply not in what they were doing. The Malays treated the Malays okay but the other races were being made to understand that they should just be grateful that they were being served. Every time we go through the whole process I silently told myself “not again…..never again” and always we still had to front up at immigration every three months to get that extension…and my wife first came to Malaysia in 1973!                      

I know that for myself when I finally left KL in 2007 to return to Adelaide I was so grateful to have the plane leave KLIA that I let out a sigh of relief! I remember the feeling well because for the first time I felt that I would not want to return to KL…because I know that those carefree days will never return. Not with the way things are in KL now! 

Talking cat

Ooops...upskirt