Everything else will pass.

Everything that I have been taught from the time I could listen and understand ....from the earliest of time when my parents started to tell me to listen to what they say....everything is changing. For sure everything must pass...and at times when you do not change as time passes you by...you will be left behind....but even as I ponder upon all this...I know that there are things I do not want to change. 

I do not want my parents to leave me at any time of my life. I want my wife, my children and those people that I love and care for...to also not leave me. And there are many things I wish would not change. ...but too many things will change no matter what I wish for. And if I am not strong enough to go to another day ...I will start to fall apart. 

I know my parents will never come back again...and the thought of not having them around me fills me with sadness...and with all my heart I miss them. I have not seem my daughter for almost a decade for she lives, with her family, in Canada....much too far away for us to afford to visit each other. And when I do not see her...I also do not see my granddaughters. Them too I miss so much...and all this I am now thinking of, early this Wednesday morning.

Sometimes this is how I start my day. It is 6.39am early Wednesday morning. I allow my mind to go where ever it wants to go....and it wants to go to the thing that tugs at my heart strings...my parents, my wife, my two children and my grand daughters....but even as my heart is heavy with the sadness of not having my parents any more and with having my daughter and her family so far away from me...my heart also sings with the joy of having had my parents in my life...and knowing that my daughter and her family, although far away, are still in my life....my son and dear wife are still with me and near me. For all this I am grateful. And so life goes on. I will not fall apart. I will be strong and I will give thanks for all that I have today. Hallelujah!

When my wife was still herself almost a decade ago as she was about to leave for Canada to see our daughter and family.

But this I know of life...as long as those you love are still with you, all will be well. Everything else will pass. 

cakap cakap, my wife, Sirul and other things.

My wife is not feeling to well this morning. She has a runny nose, fever and falling asleep even as I was trying to give her breakfast this morning...but she was awake the whole time during her "cappuccino" break. She loves that stuff.

I woke up late this morning...after 10 am and have spent all of this morning sitting by my wife's side, holding her hand and making sure that she is comfortable as I can make her while she drifts in and out of sleep. A few minutes ago I got up and got myself a Bic and paper and started to write this....still sitting beside my wife and listening, at the same time, to the wind blowing/whistling outside. 

I want to write because even as I am concerned about the the condition of my wife, I know that as long as she is resting , I can write.....write about what has been happening these last few weeks. 

Two weeks ago, after a long break, I wrote again about Sirul. This is what I wrote in cakap cakap...najib, umno, Mahathir dan lain lain" posted on 1st August 2017

Let me talk about something I know...about something that I have been doing work on. About Altantuya and about Sirul. Whether it be a civil or criminal matter, the case against those involved in Altantuya's murder is proceeding. There will come a time when Najib will have to stand in court to answer for his part in her murder. As for Sirul now in detention in Villawood in Sydney...for now at least...Najib has him isolated, without a voice and Sirul will keep quiet for as long as he thinks Najib will still be prime minister of Malaysia and he will still be able to get something out of Najib. Now ask yourself what Sirul will do if Najib is no longer prime minister?       

And then another piece the next day  - 2nd August, which is self explanatory :  It's  official : Sirul will Rot in Villawood! In which, among other things, I wrote : 

And now, many months past, Sirul has received an official letter from the Australian Immigration Department refusing to give him Bridging Visa E...ie a protection visa that will allow him to be released into the Australian community., because he is NOT of good character....so now, rot in Villawood he will! 

And Amen to that!

And then  yesterday, 9th August, The Australian posted this :

In short, ten days before this story broke, I started to "work" on Sirul "case" again after a long break....and since that story broke in The Australian yesterday, there have been many many posting by many other - from the Sarawak Report to bloggers in K Hell etc etc ..all about Sirul!

I made a conscious decision today not to write any more on this matter (except here!) until I know where I can go with this Sirul matter. ....and where I want to go  is simply this : get the truth and nothing but the truth. This might take a day, a week or maybe more....let it take as long as it need. 

And now, on to other matters....matters important to me (though many of you will disagree!).

Yes my wife is unwell....and when that happens, everything I do is towards making her well again. For now I do not think there is a need to get her to a doctor  because it is Winter and getting a cold, a runny nose and a slight fever is par for the course in Winter (as golfers would say when something happens during their game of golf which is part and parcel of playing golf).

This is NOT par for the course!

I am all rugged up for Winter and so is my wife...so we will wait for the cold to blow over in a few days time. And it will....I hope.

This morning after taking the rubbish down to the rubbish room downstairs, I got into a shouting match in the lift with a huge guy who was off his head on some "medicinal compound"...aka cannabis, heroin or something in between. Normally I ignore them as they do not know what they do because they are "off their head". ...but this time around when he started shouting/yelling at me, something snapped within me and I shouted/yelled back at him louder then he was shouting/yelling at me. It felt good and it shut him up....but I was relieved when the lift doors opened to my floor and I left him alone in the lift.

It is now almost 2.45 pm. and I have been sitting beside my wife since lunch at noon. Anyone who is 70 (like me) will know that physically, there is just so much your body can do before it tells you to take a rest...which is what I am doing now....taking a break and transcribing what I wrote on that piece of paper onto my blog...and as soon as I finish this...I will have my lunch. 

Alice Cooper : How You Gonna See Me Now

Alice Cooper wrote this song for his wife. It was a tough time for him after he left the state hospital and his problems with alcoholism and the stress of fame. He and his wife Sheryl met on the road. He was also afraid she wouldn't love the man behind the "Alice" character. As it turned out, those fears were unfounded... They are still happily married after all of these years.

Alice Cooper has managed to hold on to the former Sheryl Goddard for 40 years. The couple were married on March 20, 1976 in Acapulco, Mexico.

Quickies : Do We All Have Probllem's with Our Wives?

Two million copies of the book titled " How to change your wife in thirty days " were sold in one week. 

Then publisher realised of the spelling mistake. 

It was corrected " How to change your life in thirty days". 

Only ten copies sold in one week. (and Najib was one of those who asked for a refund!)

Life...Value your Partner.

One day, during an evening class for adults, the psychology Teacher entered the class and told students, “Let’s all play a game!” “ What Game?”

The Teacher asked one of the students to volunteer.

A lady, Aliza came forward.

The Teacher asked her to write 30 names of most important people in her life on blackboard.

Aliza wrote names of her family members, relatives, friends, her colleagues and her neighbors.

The Teacher told her to erase 3 names that Aliza considered most unimportant.
Aliza erased names of her colleagues.

The Teacher again told her to delete 5 more names. Aliza erased her neighbor's names.

This went on until there were just four names left on the blackboard. These were names of her mother, father, husband and the only son...

The entire class became silent realizing that this wasn’t a game anymore for Aliza alone.

Now, The Teacher told her to delete two more names.

It was a very difficult choice for Aliza.

She unwillingly deleted her parents names.

“Please delete one more” said the Teacher.

Aliza became very nervous and with trembling hands and tears in eyes she deleted her son’s name. Aliza cried painfully...

The Teacher told Aliza to take her seat.

After a while Teacher asked "Why your husband? The parents are the ones that nurtured you, and the son is the one you gave birth to? And you can always find another husband !!!"

Total silence in the class.

Everyone was curious to know her response.

Aliza calmly and slowly said, “One day my parents will pass away before me. My son may also leave me when he grows old, for his studies or business or whatever reason. The only one who will truly share his entire life with me, is my Husband”.

All the students stood up and applauded for her for sharing this truth of life.

 

This is true. So always value your life partner. It's not only for husbands but wives as well.
God has united these two souls and it's on you now to nurture this relationship above all.

Life.....

6.58 AM : Saturday 10th September : Melbourne :  For my Wife who is still sleeping quietly in the bed beside me.....my heart sings when I am with you.

She is OK!

steadyaku47 comment : Let me share with you this exchange between me and Rafizi's wife this morning...she is OK! 

For all of you who read what I write...do not....even for a moment...take your eyes off our focus : CHANGE...and it starts with the removal of Najib Razak from the office of Prime Minister of Malaysia. I repeat....CHANGE and it starts with the removal of Najib Razak from the Office of the Prime Minister of Malaysia!

• Today
• 

  13:04

  Hussein Abdul Hamid
  

  
  

  we are with you...we feel your pain...I can feel the anger of so many people by the manner they react to what I write about what happened to Rafizi yesterday....no matter what happens....WE ARE WITH YOU! Soon in the fullness of time we will talk about what happened yesterday to Rafizi and talk about it as one of the sacrifices he had to make for all of us! Be strong because we all need you to be strong and should you see him...tell him we care. Hugs from me and my family. Salam...
• 

  13:07

  Fi-sha Fish
  

  
  

  Salam Pak Hussein. Thank you for your supporting and comforting words. Personally i got teary eyed reading the words of support for him. We know this is our destiny. Please keep us in your prayers
• 

  13:08

  Hussein Abdul Hamid
  

  
  

  • 
    
    
    
  • 

    13:17

    Hussein Abdul Hamid
    

    
    

    I got 2000 clicks in the past two hours..will you give me permission to post our "conversation" onto my blog? I know they will want to know that you are OK.
    
  • 

    13:57

    Fi-sha Fish
    

    
    

    Yes of course Pak Hussein.
    
  • 

    14:09

    Hussein Abdul Hamid
    

    
    

    
    
  • 

    14:10

    Fi-sha Fish
    

    
    

    Please extend my appreciation for their continuous support and prayers.
    
  • 

    14:15

    Hussein Abdul Hamid
    

    
    

    will do!

  
  
  

  

  Ronnie Liu Tian Khiew

  1 hr ·

  Hidup perwira rakyat .
  Hidup pembela duit rakyat.
  

  Difahamkan Saudara Rafizi sekarang berada di Menara 238 Jln Tun Razak untuk diambil keterangan beramaran di bawah S113 Kanun Prosedur Jenayah. Rafizi will be taken for s117 remand application at 2pm at Putrajaya Majistret court..

  
  

  

  
  

Third wife of Nazri Aziz. Her mother is 61 years old. Nazri is 62 years old.

cakap cakap...My Wife, Zack and Me.

My wife and I have started to go out for walks and shopping together again these last few weeks. She, in her wheelchair and me doing the hard yakka...that's what the Australian say when you do the hard work...me doing the pushing! There have been a number of close calls when we came across bumps and uneven surfaces in our path.......all my fault. I have yet to master the art of pushing a wheelchair with patient and grace...but I am getting there.

Once again we are out and about in our suburbs doing things together. I have missed doing these things with her ever since her ability to walk took a downward turn a few months back. 

Today she can still get to her feet with our assist but her body shakes and trembles with the effort and I can no longer trust her to remain upright without us holding on to her and with her weight completely on our arms for support. The physical deterioration of her physical self is graphic and can be seen almost on a weekly basis but I can tell you that for me I am overwhelmed by the love I feel for this girl that I married when I was 21 and she 23. 

I am overwhelmed because as much as I can care for her, it is she that has to go through this terrible affliction that burdens those who have dementia. But she does not complain. Never have I heard her ask why she has been burdened by dementia...or maybe she does not know that she has dementia and she does not know what it is doing to her. 

This is one of the saddest thing about dementia....you wonder what is going on inside the head of those who are afflicted with it...and when the one afflicted with it is your loved ones ...it is much harder because you have to do the thinking for them. They can no longer do it for themselves...and whatever you do for them you can never know if it is enough for their physical and mental well being and comfort....so you just have to keep trying. 

Let me try and explain what this involves....

My wife and wife have been exchanging a lot of "thumbs up" or "thumbs down" whenever I ask if anything is good or bad  - whether it be the meals she is having, the walks we go for, her comfort in bed and even her preference for the clothes we pick up for her to wear in the mornings. 

Lately I have seen that she had been giving me the "thumbs down" for almost everything...even pumpkin soup which is her favorite! And them slowly it dawned upon me that she will give a "thumbs up" or "thumbs down" according to what was last shown by me....so if I reverse the sequence she will follow same. So now no more "thumbs up" or down...again I have to do the thinking for her and decide what is best for her. 

Everyday is an event for me and my son as we do the caring of her from the time she awakes until she falls asleep. I say it is an event because it is the three of us doing things together.

How many of you still do things together with your children and your wife not only on a daily basis...but, like my son, my wife and me.....many times in a day! And we smile and talk to each other while doing it all. And I am grateful that we are still doing it now when my wife is  70, my son almost 40 and me 67...I am indeed grateful. 

Life is good. 

          

cakap cakap....DEMENTIA : If you do not take care of those that you love ....why should any one else?

It has been a while since I last wrote about dementia...what it does to people who have dementia and what it does to people who take it upon themselves to care for them. 

It has been three years since my wife was diagnosed with frontal lobe dementia.

I remembered that visit to the doctor very well. My wife and I walked to the clinic  - a distance of about 400 yards. The thing that worried me then was that she was having hallucinations of a snake eating her face over and over again...and all this she told me with a smile on her face. 

She had lost all interest in doing housework. This, she explained to me, was because she has been doing housework all her life and now wants me to take over. I thought at that time that it was a reasonable thing for her to ask me to do and though I wanted to discussed it further with her.....the way she told me made me realized that it was a "non-negotiable" requests!

All this I explained to the GP. She thought that my wife was having some pressure within her brains that was making her have those hallucinations and was causing the change in her behaviour. She immediately arranged for my wife to see a specialist at a nearby hospital. They insisted that she be admitted to the Sunshine Hospital for observation. She spent two weeks there. I was with her everyday. The one hour bus trip to the hospital in Sunshine and then another hour back to our place in Marybyrnong did tire me out for we did not have a car then...but getting my head around the fact that my wife was being observed for a mental affliction took more out of me then anything else. At the end of the two weeks we sat down with her doctors and nurses and they told us about her dementia.         

That was three years ago. 

Today she no longer talks. Today she can no longer walk or move without our help. Today we have to do everything for her. 

I would not say that she is bed ridden but the only reason she is not in bed all the time is because we move her around the apartment as and when we feel she needs a change. She can eat by herself but I must be there by her side to ensure that she puts in one mouthful at a time, chew and swallow the food before I put the plate in front of her again for her to take the next spoonful of whatever it is that she is eating. 

She never asks for food, for a drink or for anything at all. She does not tell us if the food is too hot or too cold, if there was enough salt or pepper - or whether she liked the food or not. I have to do the thinking for her.  If I put a slice of bread and a cup of cold water in front of her for lunch or dinner she will eat it without a word. She will do the same thing if I put mashed potato and salmon. She might say nothing but I know that mashed potato and salmon is better than a slice of bread and a cup of cold water. I ask myself what will she want to eat...and go cook it for her....even if I am tired and not really keen to do so. If I do not do it for her...nobody else will! So this is what I mean by saying that I must do the thinking for her.

I think she understand what I say to her because I get hugs and a kiss every time I ask for it. At night I have to decide if she needs another blanket because it is cold or the fan because it is hot....and here is the hard part for me....it is easier for me to sleep through the night then have to worry about whether she is hot or cold. The reason why I do not do so is because I always worry about whether she is comfortable because she cannot worry for herself. I have to do it for her.

And this is the hard part when you have to worry about other people. Do you worry enough? 

If you are tired will you still get up to make sure that she is dry so that she can sleep through the night comfortably? 

If you are tired do you still get up to make her a cup of tea or coffee because it is tea time and she might just be feeling a bit peckish and waiting for her biscuits and tea...even if she has not said a word to you about it. 

If you are going to the supermarket to get some groceries...are you prepared to take your wife with you...because taking her with you means you have to dress her up appropriately for the weather, put on her shoes, get her into the wheelchair and wheel her out to the car. Then you have to manhandle her into the car and then put the wheelchair away in the boot and repeat the process when you get to the supermarket and then do the same thing again when you get home. And while in the supermarket you have to get her involve in getting the groceries. You can see her face light up with happiness as she remembers that she once did all this by herself! And she will insists on holding on to the basket and have it on her lap on the wheelchair. 

All in all probability what you can do by yourself in half an hour will take two hours with her. Will you take the trouble to to do it? You will be tired by the time you get home...but you know that is what you should do if you love her enough. And I do love her enough to want to do all that and more. 

I am sure you all will have seen old and sick people being ill treated in homes where they have been put in by their families because it is impossible or there is no one to care for them at home. It is a sad fact of life that all the money in the world still cannot give what these ill and old people need most...love. The love of someone who care enough for them to take care of them as they would want to be taken care of themselves if they were unwell or too old to take care of themselves. 

As long as I can I want to give that care to my wife.

It is hard...sometimes very hard for me to keep doing this 24/7. My son is always there for both of us - for my wife and me, and he makes it all bearable. We know that we are all closer as a family because every time we do something for my wife together, we are the better for it. We understand each other better, we talk to each other more and the most wonderful part of it all - we care for each other more. He knows when I am tired and he will take over from me whatever it is that I am doing for my wife, his mother.... and I know that I have to wash the dishes when he cooks...and we both know that my wife, his mother, comes first! 

Two weeks ago for the first time in my life I had a hernia - too much physicality in taking care of my wife. It still bothers me now but it is bearable and that 24/7 work still goes on. 

It is 12.35 am now. I stopped writing about half an hour ago because my wife woke up and was looking towards me...just looking and looking and looking....so I stopped writing and laid down beside her, held her hands and talked to her. She did not talk back but she listened...she is still no yet asleep but she is drifting in and out of sleep. So I slipped out of bed , made myself a cappuccino and started to write again.

To all of you who are taking care of others who can no longer take care of themselves....you all know that you do it because you do care for them. If you do not take care of those that you love ....why should any one else do it? And so we soldier on. 

Today has been a good day for me and for my wife. We still have a decent roof over our head. Good food to eat. Her bedsores are almost healed. The swelling in my groin caused by my hernia, though a tad painful, has subside. My son made pizza for dinner today - he did everything from scratch - made the dough, made the sauce from fresh tomatoes and used all fresh ingredients for the toppings with the sole exception of the salami and the cheese...and of course I still had to wash up after him!

All that we need for our life we have. We do not think about our wants...only our needs...and when you can do that...then life is good.       

Mr Carlos Santana and Wife...Live!

cakap cakap...dementia. Life is still good.

For those of you who thinks that life must be hard for me and my son....don't. For those of you who are thinking that I deserve a better life in my twilight years and that my son should be enjoying his life in other ways......again, don't. And if there are any of you who feel that we are caught in a time freeze beyond our control where we are required to take care of my wife who has dementia ....once again, I say don't. 

Don't think any of those thoughts.

Yes we have to do everything for her. Yes we have to wipe her dripping nose every now and then. I get exasperated because she keeps grabbing everything within her reach when I am giving her a shower and of course she never says "thank you" for everything that we do for her....all this we will gladly endure and more, to have her living in the apartment with us. 

All this and more we will do just to see her, at end the end of the day, fall asleep within minutes of us giving her the final change and wash of the day so as to make sure that we put her to sleep clean and dry minus her dentures that we need to soak overnight and wash again in the morning for her to use the next day. And I mention the dentures because we must not forget to remember to have her take it out herself before she gets too sleepy to do so....if she gets too sleepy...then taking the dentures out becomes harder than trying to figure out if that dark skinned man at PWTC is a Tamil, an Indian or a senior Umno politician who also happens to be Chairman of Tabung Haji!

We have been doing this for the last two, going on to three years...though it has become more intense and demanding these last few months as my wife's dementia takes more of her from us with a vengeance that sometimes has to be seen to be believed. 

Forget what she could do last year...forget what she could do six months ago. We now talk in terms of months...weeks even, as her physical abilities diminish at an alarming pace. Notwithstanding that, her memory is still quiet intact except for the things that she has forgotten to do - she has not forgotten my son and me! For how long more it will be so is in the laps of the gods. We take each day as it comes. 

For those of you who are also caring for loved ones with varying degrees of afflictions and illness I know that the best times of the day is when they fall asleep ...for you then have your own "me" time to chill and do things for yourself....but we all know that even in those times our thoughts are still of the coming days and what it will bring to our loved ones. 

All things considered we -  my son, my wife and me -  would not want to have it any other way. Life is good.

 

Wife's illness hardest for MM

MRS Lee Kuan Yew, wife of Minister Mentor, died peacefully at home on Saturday at 5.40 pm at age 89, said the Prime Minister's Office on Saturday.

Madam Kwa Geok Choo had been bedridden for over two years after suffering two strokes in May and June 2008.

When news broke of Mrs Lee's death on Saturday evening, her elder son, Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong, 58, was in Belgium on a four-day official visit, which ties in with the eight biennial summit of the Asia-europe Meeting (Asem), which takes place on Monday and Tuesday.

Her younger son, Hsien Yang, 53, ran Singapore Telecommunications, the country's biggest company, for 12 years before becoming chairman of property and beverages conglomerate Fraser & Neave.

Daughter Lee Wei Ling, 55, is a director of the National Neuroscience Institute.

Her husband, MM Lee, 87, has been hospitalised since Wednesday for a chest infection. But he was seen in good spirits on Friday, meeting International Air Transport Association President Giovanni Bisignani in his hospital room.

In an unusually frank interview with the New York Times on Sept 1, MM Lee said his wife's illness was one of the hardest things for him to face.

'What to do? What else can I do?' he told the NYT. 'I can't break down. Life has got to go on. I try to busy myself, but from time to time in idle moments, my mind goes back to the happy days we were up and about together.'

'She understands when I talk to her, which I do every night,' he added. 'She keeps awake for me; I tell her about my day's work, read her favourite poems.'

'I told her, 'I would try and keep you company for as long as I can.' That's life. She understood.'

But he also said: 'I'm not sure who's going first, whether she or me.'

Both attended the same school in Singapore, Raffles College, and then attended Cambridge University to study law. They married in 1950.

Mrs Lee founded Lee & Lee, one of Singapore's largest law firms, in 1955 with her husband and her brother-in-law Lee Kim Yew.

'I wanted someone my equal, not someone who was not really grown up and needed looking after. And I was not likely to find another girl who was my equal and shared my interests,' Mr Lee wrote in the first volume of his memoirs, 'The Singapore Story'

Mdm Kwa Geok Choo - the first Asian woman to be awarded a first-class honours in Cambridge University.

A great, humble, brilliant and kind lady has passed on....Mrs Lee has been a shining role model for women - strong, highly intellectual, supportive wife & mother, a brilliant lawyer.

A True Role Model of The Woman behind A very Successful Man.

"The traits of a great wife and a great mother. Despite her high level of intelligence and capabilities, she decided to play the roles behind her husband. Only an enlightened person could do that, for it demanded of her to give than to take, to sacrifice for her conviction and belief for her countrymen and women. Present and future day men and women have a lot to learn from Mrs Lee."

"Mdm Kwa Geok Choo is truly the 'Iconic Mother' of Singapore even as her husband is the founder of modern Singapore. Mrs. Lee's contribution to supporting the building of Singapore, she is truly the 'Mother of Modern Singapore'! Truly a great loss to Singapore!"

You be the judge.