Thursday 22 January 2009

A Priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The Priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthy slid his hand up her leg. The Nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The Priest removed his hand. But, changing gears he let his hand slide up her leg again. The Nun once again said. "Father, remember Psalm 129?". The priest apologized"Sorry Sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent the Nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church the Priest rushed up to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Go down to the fish market and look into the crab barrel. They never have to put a lid on it because if one crab starts to crawl out, the others will grab on to him and pull him down. That's what negative peer pressure does.

The time to make friend is before you need them.

Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.

Remember that when you are standing on the edge of the cliff, the best way to make progress is to back up.

Never under estimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Never argue with an idiot. They will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or condoning offences or reconciling with the means giving up the right to be angry. Shifting rigid personal "rules" for how people should behave to "preferences" and accepting that no adult can control another. Moving from blame to understanding ....and then moving on.

You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She is 97 now and we have no idea where she is.

The ability to focus attention on important things is a defining characteristic of intelligence.

Do not walk behind me for I might not lead. Do not walk ahead of me for I might now follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just leave me the hell alone.

Do not follow my footsteps.  I walk into walls.

It is always darkest before dawn. So if you are going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that the time to do it.

We are not retreating. We are advancing in another direction.

Sometimes the only thing I can change is myself...but sometimes that makes all the difference.

If the enemy is in range, so are you.

Regardless if there is such a thing as a heaven or a hell it is preferable to do good deeds.

When money speaks, the truth keeps silent.

Speak the truth, then leave quickly.

No matter how far you have gone down the wrong road, turn back.

Profit is profit. Even in Mecca.

Dear God: You do such wonderful things for complete strangers: why not me?

Anybody can become angry, that is easy. But to be angry with the right person and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose and in the right way...that is not within everybody's power. That is not easy. 

When you realize that you have made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

In disagreement with love ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

He is not a complete idiot...some parts are missing.

It is far more impressive when someone discovers your good qualities without your help.

Some people think that Golf is a matter of life or death. But it's far more important than that.

I still have my feet on the ground. I just wear better shoes.

Stupid people do not know they are you cannot do anything about it.


  1. Who will the second to visit your blog? A stray cow from MCKK64, or the Missus? Haha!

  2. The Ancient Mariner was here.

    Alamak these are stale jokes lah, HH. Surely you can do better than this?

  3. Stale jokes or stale bread they are worth digesting over and over for hungry ghosts like me ... haha!

  4. HH is just dusting the old damp stuff out to dry before he shows his new gem collection ... hehe.

  5. I loved re-reading some of these again! :)

  6. Sticks and stones may break my bones but talk don't bother me. You MCKK guys might have read whatever I have been writing because you were my only captive audience - now i have to put them altogether (well all three pages of them) and post them on this here site.