Idi Amin and me were never friends, neither have we met at any stage of our life. Do not believe his words if he had insisted that he knows of me whether in this world or in the one that he has moved on to. We never met. Now that that is out of the way let us begin.
After the initial euphoria of knowing that people out there whom you have never met, less so known, are reading your blog, you begin to realize after about two weeks that what writers refer to as “writers block” is a physical and not a mental state of mind. Physical in the sense that you find yourself sitting in front of the PC doing nothing. The TV that is constantly on in the background used not to be a presence that can distract you from your blogging world is now irritating you because every time the commercials come through the volume jumps three decibels and startles you from your empty thoughts. How your thoughts can be startled when it is on empty is another discourse all together. For now it is enough to realize that writing a blog is an imposition that no reasonable person should impose upon themselves unless they have the ability to pour forth copious amount of drivel onto their PC that would interest others enough to make them forsake the many other more interesting blogs that litters the web just to read yours. There is this insane insistence somewhere in the left hand corner of your cluttered brain that tells you that write you must in order for you to satisfy your craving for attention and receive your daily dose of heart pumping adoration from the cheering multitudes that awaits your writings daily. You have become, within less then three weeks, a blog junkie.
What have I done to myself? Self mutilation comes to mind. “Self-mutilation is intentional self-harm without the wish to die. Cutting one's skin with razors or knives is the most common pattern of self-mutilation. Others include biting, hitting, or bruising oneself; picking or pulling at skin or hair; burning oneself with lighted cigarettes, or amputating parts of the body”….I could only identify myself with only one of the above “without the wish to die”…so that rules out self mutilation.
If not self mutilation then what?
There was a time BB (before blogging) when I was able to effortlessly sit and write on any thing I so choose to do. The state of the world, politics, what I thought of Mao Tse Tung, …anything my heart desires and where my mind takes me and the only thing that could stop me was when it was time to focus on the things that really matters in life – the TV with “Hogan Heros” . “Dads Army” or “Fawty Towers” or anything on “Elvis”. Now I sit with much effort but with less to show for.
This is cannot. I had delusions of become wiser as I develop my blog…now I know that is not going to happen. I am digging myself deeper into a hole that I am trying to get out of.
Suddenly, in my head, I hear the strains of “Dost dost na raha” (that song from Sangam lah with Raj Kapoor!!) ….aduh lagu ini sungguh menusuk kalbu jiwaku….. and I lose yourself with past memories of times gone by….I am again energized and once again the juices flow…...and I WRITE !!!! All is forgotten and forgiven and life is good again. Don't you guys have the same problem?