Saturday 29 March 2014

cakap cakap...early Saturday morning.

Its just past 6 am Saturday morning and  Marta Sanchez singing L Belleza has been playing in my head from yesterday when I first came across her song….what a wonderful song, what a wonderful voice…and that she is easy on the eye is a plus….makes it more pleasant . Music moves me…and every now and then I discover these ‘gems’ that can carry me for days because everything seems to fall into place…the very essence of life that makes life good.

And what about Isabel Preysler? Such a nobleness in her beauty…a nobleness that makes us want to put the women that we love on a pedestal for when we love someone we can always see beauty in them. Yes physical beauty is much treasured but I can tell you that when you see someone through love, beauty will be there….but I digress.

This morning I am thinking of those who have lost loved ones in MH370….sons, daughters, spouses and parents…friends and acquaintances. For me waking up this morning is good…for them it must be another day in hell. Another day of not knowing what has happened to their loved ones. Another day of waiting for news, another day of mourning…another day of so many unanswered questions. It must break their heart if not their resolve to have to wait helpless for news…my heart is heavy with sadness for their pain. We have all at one time or another felt the same pain  as loved ones are lost…that is life. We live with it the pain and the sorrow.

I reflect upon my own loss often…my father and mother left me a long time ago. I remember my father’s words…”You better come home your mother is not well”.... I was then living in Perth and I took the first flight back to KL….and I remember my cousins meeting me at Subang and from their somber looks I know that things were bad. My mother passed away the very next day and then it was like a dream…a horrible dream…but it was still like a dream for I was in a daze until I was alone again on the flight back to Perth…and that was when I cried and realized that my mother was gone from my life......but my wife had just given birth to my son Zack just three days before my mother died...and life had to go on. 

My father passing was more painful more me. I did not know that he was gone until a week later when my aunty called me in Perth from KL to offer her condolences. It was Sunday early morning when her call came through. How can I tell you of my state of mind when I heard the news? I cannot. Until today I have yet to understand why my brothers did not tell me that our father had died…but that is life. You live with it. I am resolved that with my children and my family, that will never happen not matter what.

But I have much to be grateful in life for at my father’s age I still have all my family with me. Though my daughter and her family is far away in Canada we are still family in every sense of the word. At my age my late father already had to contend with me and my family living away from him and already estranged and one of his son already divorced. He had money …but I do not think it helped him much not having my mother by his side...….but I know my father made me the man I am now….. …independent, much in love with my wife and close, very close with my daughter and son. There is not much more that one can ask for. For that I say thank you to my father and mother...I am indeed blessed to have them.    

I am sorry ....I just had to get all of that off my chest. All the time that I have been writing, Marta Sanchez has been playing in my ear and her singing has helped to ease the ache in my heart when I think of what life asks of us from time to time but  there is always life waiting to be lived out there...go live it with your loved ones. 

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