Saturday 22 February 2014

cakap cakap...LIFE!

Sometimes everything seems to be just about right….you lose yourself in the warm and inviting comfort of your own self as time passes. Its early morning when not many are still awake and you have had your shower and in your sarong and singlet sitting at your work place with your table lamp throwing a warm inviting glow over your table ….still on to compliment the early morning light which is just not yet bright enough to give you the light you want. You have Dusty’s “Windmill of Your Mind” on a continuous loop playing into  your headphone….at a decibel just enough to sooth your mind but not intrude into your thoughts. I   power on my PC to start work on my blog…steadyaku47….with a cup of Nescafe by my side. This morning is such a time…

I slept late last night after trying to come to grips with my conscience if I should intrude into Nurul’s private space and write about her martial problems…I did write!

Last night too I started to write about Khalid Ibrahim…my working title “Khalid Ibrahim…is he an honorable man.” Not something I wanted to do but something I had to do because things have been brought to my attention these last few weeks that have made me question his integrity. This will take time and effort and I do not know when I will finish the piece but I have made a start….so far over five pages of notes dating back from his time in PNB …and by the time I do finish maybe ten or fifteen pages long…and then the work of turning all those notes into a few pages of something that is worth reading – for me and for you. ..not something I relish doing…but do it I must.

And then there is life. I miss my daughter and her family far away in Canada. Have not seen them for over five years…much much too long and it hurts inside when I think of it and I try hard not to cry but how can you not when you think of those you love…and thoughts of my late Father and Mother whirl around in my head and Dusty’s song does not help. But sometimes it is good to lose yourself in memories of time past ....especially of those that love you.

My wife is still asleep beside me on her bed…me at my work place table…close. She has dementia and irreversibly I have seen her condition get less well these last few months but her mind is as well as I would want it to be….she just need me to take care of her physically…this I and my son can do. Quality of life is good…I can ask for no more.

Life is good. I have much to be grateful for. 

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