12.42 AM Tuesday. I have just heard, a few moments ago, of the passing of a friend from College days. He was found unconscious by a passer by in his car - a blood vessel had ruptured....was sent to HKL and operated on immediately....but he never recovered.
I remembered vaguely that we did "talked" on the NET a few years back...just a "Hi" and "Bye" as we are used to doing when we come across long lost friends or schoolmates...and nothing more. I will think much of him tonight but by tomorrow life goes on. And when it is time for me to go, I suspect many will think of me in the same way....a sigh at the hearing of my passing and maybe some blogger somewhere will write a few lines about me....and by the following week, little will be remembered of me except among those who have lived their life with me - my loved ones.
The circle of life and death passes us daily. Sometimes it touches us briefly, sometimes deeply but for most of the time, birth and death are as common as the breath that you draw in for life. But when you think that you too will be part of death...you start to look at your own life in a different light.
Some start to ponder the meaning of life. Some find God and try to find their way to be closer to HIM. Others shrug their shoulders and say with or without conviction, que sera, sera.
For me, death is a work in progress. I do not dwell upon it nor do I allow it to interfere with my living. There was a time in my early teens when death frightened me...literally, frighten me...why I did not know. And then when those that I liked and loved passed away, a sadness at their passing came over me and gradually fear left me. Today I have many times been at the bedside vigil of those who are dying and death is something I deal with as being a part of life.
At 69 I am in the last few decades of my life. At least one I hope, any more would be gratefully lived as I have always lived my life since I became comfortable with the person I have become. And who is that person that I have become?
For the most part of my life today, my focus is my wife. Tonight she is not well. She has a cold, her eyes are watery and red, her nose runny and she is coughing in a way that is bothering her. It is past 1AM and I have just raised the bed slightly so that her head is slightly elevated and she seems to find that more comfortable than when it was not. When she is like this I will not sleep until she sleeps. It is not a bother for me to do this because this is what I want to do for her. And while she is trying to fall asleep, I try to do a bit of writing for steadyaku47.
But most nights she sleeps well......tonight is an exception. I hope she is better after a night sleep.
I do not dwell too much on my past...and if I did it is only to think of those times when life is different. Not better, not worse....only different. I prefer to think of tomorrow and what might be possible tomorrow and the day after and after and after....about the future. I prefer to do that then dwell about the things I do not like because I know that all things must pass.....and if you can live through today, tomorrow is another day.
It is 2.06 AM and I think my wife is asleep. I am at once tired and sleepy too....but before I sleep I must post this...but not before a grammer and spelling check....and then I will lay me down to sleep.
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