Tuesday 27 December 2011

Another List!

    with thanks to: 


making sense of loose coffeeshop talk, political analyses and comments

To understand our Malaysian politics...

we have to know the Malaysia Boleh Perception Dictionary first. But please be warned that these definitions are from blogsites unfriendly to the government, so skip if you are not that inclined:

'Abide by the law' means do what we tell you to, not what we do.

'Ah Long' refers to loan sharks who charges more than 10% interest per month, first month's interest deducted from loan sum immediately; defaulters are splashed with red paint, more serious ones are even caged! Usually the loan sums are relatively small to start with, but the high interest would have snowballed them within a short period. Many people got in thinking they can afford the monthly interest, without considering the repayment of the principal sum.

'Apanama' refers to the longest serving PM, Tun Dr. Mahathir. That was endearing after 22 years.
AP or Approved Permits are given to Umno officials to ensure extra income to support a lifestyle they are accustomed to. If given to a business, it was meant to have a quick start to super wealth.

Appeals by a minority race is equivalent to a demand.
'Asking too much' is when a minority race seeks for equal rights and opportunities.

Assets in a company valued at more than liabilities means no cash flow problems.

Astronaut is a space travelling passenger.
Attorney General is the one who decides who will be charged for any offence. He can also decide before hand how many people are involved before a trial starts.

Augustine Paul, Justice, was known as the 'irrelevant' judge because of his habit of treating every evidence as such.
'Bala' is known for executing two different Statutory Declarations within days. Doing the 'bala' is just that.

'Bersih' means 'clean' in Malay but wearing yellow Bersih T-shirts face police arrest. It is the chosen meaningful Malay word to represent 'Gabungan Pilihanraya Bersih dan Adil' or Coalition (of 62 political parties and NGOs) for Clean and Fair Elections.

Bill of Guarantee of No Internet Censorship is a law passed at the strong suggestion of Bill Gates.
Brain drain is a process where students with excellent results are unappreciated locally, but accepted with open arms by foreign countries which offer them places, scholarships, employment with excellent career advancement, and even citizenship. To add to this, foreign spouse of citizens are disallowed to work here despite their qualifications, skills and experience.
Breakfast is the first meal of the day which is normally taken during office hours.
'Bumiputera' means 'son of the earth' (or native to the country) but someone who came later can be considered one if he meets the definition of Malay. He can then have more rights than another who is non-Malay even if the latter came much earlier.
Cabinet decisions cover kitchen items like chicken and sugar prices.
CIA agent: Anwar is one because an unknown blogger said so.
Clock-in was introduced by Apanama but abused by clever civil servants who use someone else to do so.
Concessions are those agreements usually relating to expressways, where the main conditions must be favourable to concessionaires, with government guarantees if necessary.

Condominium gives a false sense of security.
Contract for mega projects must be done on a negotiated basis, to protect secrecy.
Contractors are classified from 'A' to 'F'. But mega contracts are beyond them because they get more complicated with involvement of politicians.
Cow is a term sensitive to a backdoor minister who lost in the general elections.
Crooked bridge is a project proposed by Apanama to prove that Malaysia can do things despite Singapore's disagreement. Its rejection by own government incurred huge compensations to contractors.
Datuk or Dato is a title to reward someone who helped to grab a state government.
Democracy or 'democrazy' is when there are regular general elections.
Diplomats are chosen not for their diplomacy and knowledge of the country where they serve, but for their efficiency in providing first class service to visiting politicians of the ruling parties.
Doctoral thesis is just academic, there is no necessity to put into practice.
Elections or 'erections' are considered fair when there are some opposition candidates winning some parliamentary and state seats.
EPF or Employees Provident Fund is the largest investment fund, yet cannot provide photocopying service to members.
Executive is headed by someone from ruling party elected by its 191 division heads, and the rest of the people have no say whatsoever.

Equality is when all races are deemed equal except one which is first among equals.
F1 Circuit is similar to a toy race track given by an average father.

Facebook is the place to show a politician's popularity.
Fighter jets are kept separate from their engines, so that they can be easily stolen by junior staff.
First Lady is a title given to PM's wife with an inferiority complex.
Fixed Deposits refer to virtual certainty of parliamentary seats from Sabah and Sarawak, for up to 5 years, with automatic renewal.
Flip flop refers to decisions or rather indecisions, because which is which depends on when you ask about it.
Fourth Floor refers to the floor where the real decisions are made, by the famous Son-in-law.
'Frog' is a term to describe a people's representative who left his or her party after election. Frog King is one who has jumped the most times, and behaves as though he is ever ready for another jump.
Fugitive is one who lives outside the country by self-imposed exile.
Freedom of speech does not mean freedom after.
Fraud cannot happen where an organization appears to be flush with funds.

Graduate Employability Programme is government funded to help graduates who remain unemployed six months after graduation.
GST or Goods and Services Tax is a convenient tax on all citizens to substitute for the eventual drying up of the oil revenues. Once in place, it requires only revision upwards whenever necessary.
Honour in an agreement means not having to honour after it has been signed.
Income Tax Act provides for taxation of income, losses are your own problems. Unpaid taxes within grace period are automatically added 10% and then 5%, but refunds take time and do not earn interest.
IPP or Independent Power Producers are contracted to sell all their output at favourable prices to government regardless of demand for it.
ISA or Internal Security Act is meant to deal with Communists by detention without trial. If not, any oppositionists whom they call communists.

Jaga kereta is a despised person who looks after your car for a fee during free parking hours.
'Jalan Sehala' means 'One-way street' which foreigners mistaken it as the name of a road.
Jews or Juice are enemies of the country, period.
Jibby is a nickname of the PM given by people who like to jibe him.
Judiciary is headed by an ex-party lawyer following two sets of rules and ensuring the ruling party leaders do not get into trouble.
Keris is an old Malay weapon but it wields tremendous psychological fear in people.

Khazanah is our Malaysian sovereign wealth fund, inspired by Singapore's earlier success.
'Losing control' is when one out of 13 states is being ruled by a non-Malay Chief Minister.
Mahafiraun is a nickname given to the longest serving PM, for being dictatorial.
Malay is a race by definitions; if any of the definitions failed in practice, the person remain as one. But to enjoy certain extraordinary benefits, one has to be in the ruling party. Otherwise, one can be worse off than a non-Malay because of persecution.
Maintenance is unnecessary because we prefer new and bigger projects to replace existing ones.
Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission closes one eye and shut the other when dealing with ruling party, but scrutinizes any activities of the opposition regardless of amounts or significance.

'Malaysia Boleh' or Malaysia Can is a tagline meant to inspire Malaysians to reach higher goals. It can also mean 'a place where everything is beyond human comprehension'.

'Malaysia Boliau' or Malaysia No More is suggested to mean Malaysia will fail with the many mega projects with huge costs overruns.
Malaysian Book of Records keeps a record of the highest, biggest or anything most ridiculous one can think of in the country.
Malaysian time means a time later than appointed time, usually explained by 'I'm on my way'.
MARA or Majlis Amanah Rakyat (The Council of Public Trust) serves almost exclusively Malays and Bumiputeras, not the Rakyat (the Public), many of whom did not know its stated objective.
Medical Certificate is one issued by an approved doctor who signs willingly to maintain goodwill. Sometimes, patients can know in advance when to have one. This is efficiency through enough practice.
Members of Parliament are required to look after blocked drains and uncleared garbage.
Meritocracy means selection using two different examination systems; one's B is equivalent to the other's A, and its A therefore becomes irrelevant.
Motor cyclists normally do not follow rules relating to traffic lights nor 'one-way' or 'no entry' signs.
Negotiated Contracts are those involving huge sums of money and open to large Variation Orders so that the final sum is at least double the original.
Niamah is the name of a famous blog; is also a polite form of Chinese expletive similar to TN Sing.
Nuclear power sounds better than solar power.

Open tender must come with a guarantee of 30% for Bumiputera businessmen.
OSA or Official Secrets Act is stamped on all government documents, to prevent any irregularities from being known.
Perkasa is a rightist group, which means they are always 'right' in what they say. They are seen as doing the dirty work for Umno so that the latter can sometimes appear to be politically correct.
PNB or Permodalan Nasional Bhd has the main objective of taking up remaining shares meant for Bumiputera, but now seen as competing with Bumiputera companies in their activities.

Police lock-ups are dangerous places to be in.
Police summons if unpaid, are likely to get discounts.
Power sharing means distribution of lesser portfolios to other minor coalition partners.
Prime Minister is the CEO of Malaysia who is also CFO, a very busy man by any standards, but has a soft spot and time for any people's representative or anyone who has anything against Anwar Ibrahim.

Prime Minister's Department is like a cabinet within a Cabinet; it has a few Ministers and employs 43,000 people!
Printing Presses and Publications Act - no renewal after 6 months of application so that 'show cause' letter can be issued for breaking the law.
Privatization means private profit but public liability.
Professor or Dr. can be someone who happens to own or calls the shots in a university college.
Proton is the name of our national car manufacturer, the protection of which is the cause of our higher car prices.
Puspakom is the only private company with authority to inspect vehicles, a requirement which include transfers between family members because of a few cases of welding half-cut car bodies.

Raja Petra is a prince who 'calls a spade a spade', aka 'loose cannon'; mocks the establishment, now living in exile as a so-called fugitive with known address in UK.
Recession is the time when mega projects are needed more than ever, to support the life styles of those accustomed to good times.
'Red Dot' refers to the tiny island of Singapore who used to be part of Malaysia but is now more successful despite lack of natural resources.
Royalties relating to oil is subject to whether the state is run by the Federal governing party.
Safety belt rule for rear passengers is applicable for up to 3 persons, not so if four.
Safety helmet rule not applicable to chief of Road Safety, and Ministers if in the presence of the press.
Salaries of our Ministers are 1% of those in Singapore but they can make 100 times more.
Sedition Act is meant to prevent people from uttering ... well, seditious statements which could cause disharmony in the country. Seditious statements found to be such, were those from the opposition. It is effective in shutting them up and even putting them away from creating problems to the ruling party.
Senator is appointed when a politician lost in the elections and because of his position in a party within BN, deserves to be appointed a minister. Others include those who are great at attacking Anwar Ibrahim, Pakatan Rakyat, PKR, and the opposition in general.
Sleepy is a sensitive word during Pak Lah's time.

Social Contract is claimed to be an unwritten agreement between the Malays and the non-Malays during Independence, whereby the former allowed the latter become citizens with the condition that the former retain their special rights.
Sodomy is our government's biggest problem, judging from the resources and time wasted on it. Only one person has ever been charged! It can be considered as more serious than murder.
Soft Loan is a large loan offered to an Umno stalwart at 2% interest p.a., repayment kicks in only when the loan has been fully disbursed. In other words, no need to repay so long as only Rm249 million out of the Rm250 million was disbursed!
Speaker of a State Assembly can be dragged out of the Assembly by order of the Secretary.
'Special position' mentioned in S.153 of the Constitution morphed into 'Special rights'.

Speed limits enforcement is a way of augmenting the low salaries of the policemen.

Speed limit of 80/90 kmph for heavy vehicles means minimum speed. Drivers will escape after a fatal accident.
Struggle is when a party fights to prevent loss of APs and rent-seeking opportunities.
Submarine is a marine vessel bought without guarantee that it will submerge.
'Suqiu' which means 'appeal' in Mandarin by a Chinese group taken to mean 'demands' by a group of communists!

Tea time is any time to have a chat at the canteen so long as there is someone else dealing with the public.
Tan Sri is similar to a knighthood given to persons friendly to and of the ruling coalition. A Datuk is likely to upgrade to Tan Sri when his son gets a datukship.
Tinting of vehicle windscreen is subject to different equipment used in JPJ and Puspakom, so tinting has to be done after any inspection required by the latter.

Traitor is one who goes against own race's racist policies.
Tun is a title awarded to senior politicians. It is believed the title provides immunity from corruption charges.

'Ultra vires' means 'insulting the Sultan.

'UMNO' is Malaysia's largest political party. Its relevance is in championing the special rights of the Malay race, their religion, Islam and their language, Bahasa Melayu or Bahasa Malaysia (Malaysia's national language). It is ironic that the party is better known as United Malays National Organisation, or UMNO rather than its Malay name, Pertubuhan Kebangsaan Melayu Bersatu!
'Under Siege' is a state when a majority race fears control by a minority race, even though its population is over 60%; and all the rulers; PM, DPM and senior ministers; and 90% of the army, police and civil service are of the majority race.
USA the most powerful country in the world, ok to lobby for recognition, but if naturally popular, deemed an agent.
UUCA or Universities and University Colleges Act is meant to control the students in institutions of higher learning to ensure they think within the Box. They are not allowed to join political parties nor take part in political activities unless sanctioned by the ruling party.
Water is in abundance, so we can afford to waste it.
Note: This Dictionary is subject to additions and changes from time to time.
Items in blue are those which appeared in the original posting.


  1. Ah Long - They are beyond being apprehended despite posting their phone numbers all over.

    Datuk - Not only is the name on official documents modified, children's names may also change accordingly.

    EPF - Has actually started borrowing on the financial markets! No announcement as to why.

    Graduate Employability Programme - Any annoucement on how many were helped and are still employed? I mean outside the government.

    IPPs - Since electricity cannot be stored in significant quantity, it is more accurate to say that they get paid whether TNB can take up any or all of their output.

    Jaga Kereta - Is the lowest level of parasitism. Higher levels are highly respected.

    Malay - One can also be worse off than a non-Malay simply from neglect that arises due to one's sense of dignity and lack of a parasitical insinct.

    Members of Parliament - Even a "famous" PM attended to blocked drains that led to floods in Seremban. No heads fell.

    Nuclear power - Is a million time more lucrative than solar power.

    Power sharing - Often, the lesser ministers seem to stay silent on their portfolios because the juciest portions have been cut out and handed to another bureaucracy or crony.

    Prime Minister's Department - Has one of the largest budgets of any Ministry.

    Sodomy - Is serious enough that even if you are on the way to attend the investigation, you can be arrested by shock troops in balaclava and detained overnight.

  2. Usually in Third World countries the ruling class does harm to people who do not belong to their tribe. May be, only may be, we must be the first Third World nation where the ruling class has systematically undermined the people from their own tribe. Come on this has ben going on for 50 years and they are still able to pull sheep over your eyes. And again may be, only may be, we deserve it.

  3. Red-dot = shit in the nostrils !
    FU = forgive you !