Thursday 19 November 2015

Stephen Francis : Top Ten Reasons Why Terrorists Will Never Succeed in Attacking Malaysia

Top Ten Reasons Why Terrorists Will Never Succeed in Attacking Malaysia.

1. Terrorist decides to blow up KLCC. He drives to KLCC with the intention of planting the bomb there, gets stuck in a 2-hour jam, and blows himself up in frustration. PLAN FAIL.

2. Terrorist decides to bomb Ipoh as a practice session before targeting KL. He drives for the first time on the highway to Ipoh trusting the signboards to get him there, and ends up in Lumut. Terrorist drowns himself in the sea in frustration. PLAN FAIL.

3. Terrorist decides to blow up Puduraya. While walking to his destination, the bag in which he keeps his bombs gets snatched by snatch thieves on a motorcycle. He pulls on his bag’s strap desperately and dies after being dragged 100m on the road. PLAN FAIL.

4. Terrorist decides to blow up Port Klang. He succeeds! But the next day The Star, NST, Berita Harian and Utusan publish an article on page 10 headlined “Boy playing with fireworks injured in minor explosion.” PLAN FAIL.
5. Terrorist decides to bomb Johor Bahru. He rents a house as headquarters and the night before the dastardly deed, three men with parangs break into his house, robs him and kills him. PLAN FAIL.

6. Terrorist decides to bomb Kedah to paralyze the rice bowl of Malaysia. That night, while secretly setting up the bomb during a heavy thunderstorm (so that no one sees him), Timah Tasoh Dam hits danger level, authorities open the dam gates and he is swept away in the floods. PLAN FAIL.

7. Terrorist decides to blow up Bukit Bintang. Upon arrival at destination, he is accosted by a pimp and spends the night in the arms of a beautiful woman. At dawn, authorities raid the place and arrest him. PLAN FAIL.

8. Terrorist decides to blow up the MACC building as he is a strong advocate of corruption. He enters the building, but before he manages to plant his bomb, he is found dead after a fall from the 14th floor window. PLAN FAIL.

9. Terrorist decides to blow up Serdang Hospital. He enters the hospital lobby, hears a loud crashing sound and looks up to see the ceiling collapsing on him. He dies. PLAN FAIL.

10. Terrorist decides to blow up Genting Highlands. On the way up the mountain, a speeding bus driven by a 18-year-old boy without a driving licence crashes into his car and kills him instantly. PLAN FAIL.

Moral of the story: LOL
Tony Yew
Tony Yew Terrorist plans to blow up Jonker Street, on the way there, he sees 'Don't mess with Melaka' and realises that he cannot out terrorise another terrorist.
Sharifuddin Abdul Latiff
Sharifuddin Abdul Latiff Terrorist wanted to blow up Seri Perdana, gained entry disguised as a very wealthy Arab sheikh (but of course, right?), met FLOM and kissed her hand. Died immediately from botox poisoning.

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