Sunday 15 May 2016

Cakap cakap : If my mind does not want to think I will not attempt to write.

These days old age is my constant companion. With old age, among other things, comes Karma. Karma as in cause and effects....where intent and action by yourself has an effect on your future. Simply said...if I do not have enough sleep at night, my day is pretty f@*ked up and things of those nature. 

With old age too comes friends and acquaintances whose constant preoccupation are with things religious and the getting of wisdom...of the religious genre. I draw the line with any attempt by them to share their knowledge and wisdom of religion with me....and I remind myself "do not do unto others what you do not want others to do unto you"    

When the aged gathers in groups, invariably the talk turns to health...or the lack of it. I no longer attempt to share my afflictions with those than I am with because I have yet to meet some one of my age who are not burdened with less afflictions than myself....a knee reconstruction here and the onset of kidney failure in another!  Where do I fit in with a mere Hernia and Gout? 

You must try to remember that no one is interested in your daily medication regimen. Nor do they want to know what that medication does to your bladder and bowel movements, your mental and physical state nor what that prescribed vitamin supplement can really do with  your ability to perform your conjugal duties to a still frisky and demanding spouse. If asked if you are on any medication.....suffice to nod your head and say "yes" and move away with haste before they tell you what medication they are on!

For most of us we are willing to put up with these boorish behaviour of our peers given that the only alternative to all that is death.

The talk of death plays around the perimeters of your mind with increasing regularity as your body functions starts to fail. What is gout and hernia compared to the kidney, the liver, the heart and the possibility of Impaired Motor Functions or that dreaded multiple organ failure? The grass is never greener on the other side of the thankful for your own sufferings!

If truth be told I have never bothered with so much as a blood test until a few months back when the doctor needed some of my blood to diagnoses the pain I was constantly experiencing. I have had blood tests before but these were imposed upon me by various doctors for reason I never understood....or should I say, did not want to understand....but when pain becomes a constant and Panadol is no longer of much help,  you have to make yourself go see a doctor for relief. 

That was a few months back. 

Since then it has been this tests and that tests, many visits to my doctor who now knows that I write, medications and many vitamins prescribed.  After my umpteen blood tests, I had found out that that cotton infused with some chemicals that the Nurse swabs on that part of your body that is about to be injected is not a pain killer to numb the pain of the needle going into you! "NO" she was just to clean the skin of any germs as the needle punctures your skin and goes deep into your veins seeking blood!

So now I know that the nurse is stabbing that needle into my  body without giving me any pain killer....and that thought is not very comforting for me.   

The other aspect of age that I have to deal with is to now know my limitations in areas that I once took for granted....not only in the physical sense but more worrying in the ability of my mind to keep up with what I want it to do. 

If my mind does not want to think I will not attempt to write. 

There was a time when a single phrase that I come across while reading the newspaper, or hear on Television will be enough to fire me into writing something worth posting onto my blog. Not anymore. These days I need time and effort to be able to write anything worthwhile. The heart no longer rules.   
The only comfort I can derive from all this was what my doctor told me about Dementia or Alzheimer's when I asked him if the malaise of my brain to not  be able to keep up with its ordinary workload was a symptom of the onset of Dementia or Alzheimer's. 

He told me that if I do have Dementia or Alzheimer's....I will be the last person to know about it.....and that is small comfort to the likes of us who are already past 60! 


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