I was about to write.."I will be 70 tomorrow"...but it is already tomorrow now!
Its past midnight. ......7 minutes past midnight to be exact...and so I have been 70 for over 7 minutes!
Mentally and physically I feel good. No illness that troubles me. Enough good food to eat...hell the last time I checked the fridge we have chicken, lamb chops, lamb shanks and lamb cutlets, diced rump steak, salmon and basa fillets, drumstick, meat pies, beef spring rolls, vegies, three tubs of different flavor ice cream, pears, watermelon, grapes and oranges.....and that is just the fridge!
Last week I got myself a Merc C200 Elegance - an old one but adequate for our needs. I sold the A160 when I stopped writing for FMT because I was worried that I would need some reserves...but I managed okay without the stipend from FMT...and so I went and got the C200 from A Malaysian who was going back to Malaysia to be with his wife who was about to deliver their first born...and then he is staying put in Shah Alam. Chris if you are reading this...thanks for the car...my wife and me are happy with our purchase.
Two weeks ago I did think about taking a sabbatical from writing and blogging. Why? Well I did asked myself why do I bother about something that does not and cannot affect my life over here in any way whatsoever? In fact I did stop writing for a week and it felt good because I had more time to spend with my wife and more time to do what I wanted to do - which is mostly doing nothing! After a week there were so many things stacked up in my brains waiting to go into my blog that I had to power on my PC and write.
Now back to being 70.
No big deal. I am under no illusion that I am God's gift to women. Never have been and never will be! I draw comfort in the fact that Mick and Paul (that is as in Jagger and McCartney) are older than me. Hendrix, Lennon, George and MJ are all dead. I am not...and that alone is something I am grateful for. Whether I will still be around this time next year is of no concern to anybody but me and possibly my immediate family - wife and two children! Everyone else really does not care a damm one way or another! And I can deal with that ...deal with the fact that like most other people there will be no state funeral when I go nor will any flags anywhere be flown at half mast. If anything, when I go, some people will be troubled with having to bury me. How I wish I could just self destruct and save everyone the trouble.
Are there things I still want to do? Wish to do? Dream of doing?
Yes some....but all can wait for my wife comes first. These last few months her ability to do physical things - get to bed, get up from a chair, walk and even stand up straight has begun to be a chore for her. Adjust, adjust and adjust I tell myself. Have patience and understand that that is how dementia creeps up on someone I tell myself. Enjoy and spend whatever quality time we still can together. Each day is a blessing. My son does his part with much love for his mother and for that I am happy.
The thought of shutting myself out from what is happening in Malaysia still lingers in my head and I am pushing myself hard to continue to have the rage and keep the fire burning inside me for ABU, for Pakatan Rakyat and for goodness and decency to prevail but I know it is futile. The force is simply not with Pakatan Rakyat. Pakatan Rakyat cannot form government by default as Umno will not go quietly....and there are enough people in Malaysia who will make sure that somehow, any how....Umno will be around for a long time.
That is why at 70 I will not subject myself to even another day of living under any Umno led BN government. At 70 time is not on my side. At 70 I want to live life as gloriously as I can before the lights go out. The lights have dimmed considerably but they have not yet gone out. The sum of all my life is simply this : Today I want for nothing that I could not have and this is so because my needs are few. I look back at a life that is indeed eventful, amazing and crowded with memories of a life with a wife who took me at 21, in London. because I told her that I did not want to wake up one morning without her by my side. And so we marry and the rest is history...well actually My Story!
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