In all honesty I cease to think of myself as a Malay, a Muslim, or even a Malaysian many many years ago. It does not mean that I have adopted the ways of others in the way I live nor have I judiciously choose to ignore my family roots that dates back to my Bugis ancestors and the decent upbringing that my parents imparted upon me. What it means to me is that from a very early age, before my teens, I started to question if the norms that surrounds me are relevant to the way I want to live.
What it does mean is that from a very early age - in my very early teens - I had already questioned the sense of making me dress up in Malay Dress to go say my Friday Prayers in a language I do not understand. If I questioned what the authorities wanted me to do in the name of religion then, what more now?
It does mean that I choose to be aware of the world and people around rather than to be stifled by the imposition of such limitations that race, religion and an overbearing government imposes upon those they need to dominate for their own selfish ends. The sum of "freeing" myself from these "limitations" that binds so many others,enabled me to live a life of my own choosing unencumbered by any other considerations but my own. The years have told me that liberation from life's encumbrances is not always advantageous to one's well being - physically and mentally - but certainly is conducive to having a joyous soul. For as long as I can remember my heart has singed with the joy of living life as I wished.
Even when I have to face days without the possibility of food and shelter. There have been days like that!
Even when I have had to be parted from my loved ones for an extended period of time because circumstances dictate that it should be so.
Even though there have been times when wisdom dictates one course but the heart chooses another more perilous path to face challenges to one's life that needs to be overcome.
Vanity, greed, jealousy, deceit....these are some of the emotions we need to live without but cannot because we are humans. As humans we are weak of the flesh, selfish in our intents and more often than not, looking out for our own self interest rather than that of others.
For the past 67 years of my life vanity, greed, jealousy, deceit and many other emotions have, in varying degrees, reign over the better sensibilities that lies within me. I have no doubt that what is left of my life will be lived in much the same way but with one proviso. For the best part of these last few years I have been critical of how I live my life. Critical in favor of those that I care for and critical that I live it to the truth that I hold dear for myself. And paramount of these truths is that I live life for myself and those that I care for.
For the past 67 years of my life vanity, greed, jealousy, deceit and many other emotions have, in varying degrees, reign over the better sensibilities that lies within me. I have no doubt that what is left of my life will be lived in much the same way but with one proviso. For the best part of these last few years I have been critical of how I live my life. Critical in favor of those that I care for and critical that I live it to the truth that I hold dear for myself. And paramount of these truths is that I live life for myself and those that I care for.
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