From my early teens I was taken out of the ‘family nest’ to begin secondary school at a boarding school in Kuala Kangsar – MCKK. From that time on I have always been on my own – either at other boarding schools, overseas or simply living a life by myself. Inevitably there has to be a price to pay in terms of my moving away and out of the ‘Family Unit’ as we know it. To my constant regret there was never a closeness between my siblings and me. With my parents I realized they were from another era where it was difficult for them to understand where their children were at and where they wanted to go. But there was always enough love for us from them.
I learned very early in my life that I could do what I want with myself in as long as I was prepared to face the consequences of my actions. Those that could not or would not live with the decisions that I made, I could always discard and by so doing I again had to live my life without these people that I choose to discard. And so begin my experiments with life.
The first major decision that I took in my life was to tell myself that I no longer wanted to concern myself with studying – or as I would prefer to interpret it – I no longer would allow anybody to ‘test or examine’ me for my knowledge or understanding of anything. That decision was made just after my A levels in Kuantan.
I did get four A levels which led me to mistakenly believe that I must be very smart to get four A levels when I did not study at all – and that the questions answered by me in the A levels were just from my general knowledge of things around me. So I tried to do the same thing in my first year at University. Suffice to say that I failed my exams so badly that I was asked to leave. So I left Uni and I left KL for London. I have a mental blockage right now and my mind refuses to go beyond the then Sungai besi International Airport – from where I left KL for London. So until I can unblock it…I need to stop for now.