KPI...let me story you lah!

First posted on Thursday, July 1, 2010 (reprise)

When he became Prime Minister of Malaysia in April 2009 Najib said his cabinet would be in the forefront of serving the people and being responsive to their needs. He also emphasized the importance of leadership based on performance. To this end, he introduced a key performance indicator (KPI) for the ministries, adding that he would be personally involved in assessing the performance of all his ministers every six months.

"All these are being done to ensure that in the final analysis it is the people who will derive the benefits," he said. Najib said that as the head of the government, he realized that it would be the people who would evaluate his leadership.

In steadyaku47 continuing effort to assist the Rakyat to understand UMNO better we now come to the second part of our series after UMNOspeak.  In response to Najib’s pledge to introduce KPI to evaluate his Ministers, at great expense steadyaku47 have coop a group of consultants (whose motto is “get good money and do nothing”) recommended by UMNO to do an unbiased (please see UMNOspeak for what this means!) KPI evaluation of Barisan Nasional Cabinet members. Unfortunately because these “get good money and do nothing” consultant charge a hell of a lot of ringgit steadyaku47 was only able to evaluate a limited number of the cabinet members.

 PRIME MINISTER OF MALAYSIA.

NAJIB TUN RAZAK

Since our last evaluation report, this Prime Minister has reached rock bottom and shows sign of starting to dig without the assistance of any mechanical devices.

MUHYIDDIN YASSIN

DEPUTY PRIME MINISTER OF MALAYSIA.

He sets very low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them without assistance from anybody!

HISHAMMUDDIN TUN HUSSEIN

MINISTER OF HOME AFFAIRS

When he opens up his mouth, it seems that this is only to change whatever foot was previously in there. He has been forbidden to play with any weapons (especially Keris) as he is prone to intentionally and directly injuring his body tissue without suicidal intent (we can't win all the time!)

 NAZRI AZIZ

MINISTER LAW AND PARLIMENT

His men will follow him anywhere but out of a morbid curiosity as to where he is heading...usually he self-destructs!

 NOR MOHAMED YAKCOP

MINISTER ECONOMIC PLANNING UNIT.

 Works well under constant supervision and when conered like a rat in a trap. He has a tendency to mistakenly refer to himself as a first-tier Bumiputra - though a former Prime Minister considers this is OK lah!

RAIS YATIM

MINISTER OF INFORMATION, COMMUNICATION & CULTURE.

He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle. Should have been given a different portfolio where he has no direct excess to print and electronic media.

AHMAD ZAHID HAMIDI

MINISTER OF DEFENCE

This employee should go far – the sooner he starts the better.

 SAMY VELU

(Not a Minister but by special request he is our guest artist).This guy is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.