11.30 PM Monday night:
As I start to write this, a dear and much loved Uncle of mine is fighting for his life at Pantai Medical Center. His daughter, just a few minutes ago, sent us an email telling us that "Daddy is fading fairly rapidly" and ask that we pray "to make things easy for him".
We have all been through these kind of situation and we all know too well the emotions involved. Our heart beats much too fast....our emotions are hard to keep in check and our thoughts wish our physical self to be by his bedside....as if our presence would be needed there. Our memory flip through our times together and seek out the times when we last spoke, last met or even our last thoughts of him....some of these thoughts are slow to leave you ...some linger in your consciousness unwilling to leave because you draw comfort from them.
And all over inside me and within me is that feeling of helplessness of not being able to do anything to make things better for my dear Uncle and for my grieving self. Such is life.
I remember these words that I read somewhere..."In the evening of your life you will be judged on love alone!" how true this is!
How true...how achingly true if the one you expect to love you is long gone and you are alone. My Uncle's wife left him many many years ago...and I remember it well because I and my wife took her to GH that evening a long long time ago from her Bangsar home in Jalan Maarof to the GH where she finally passed away a few days later.
My wife is sleeping in the bed beside me....and I am comforted that she is there. Two weeks ago on a Sunday I took her for morning coffee to the cafe in front of our apartment. As I sat in front of her I asked her earnestly if she knew that I love her very much...she smiled and said "yes"..and I asked her how she knew...and she said "Your eyes tells me"....it made my day!
My wife can no longer remember what she has for lunch or dinner as soon as it is over. But she knows enough to tell me if she does not like what she is eating! There is no point in me asking if she liked what she had earlier on for lunch. She forgets! Her long term memory is still very good though she does still tends to forget somethings.
Yesterday afternoon I turned the TV to the Greek section. My wife is Greek and she can speak Greek well but she has not used the language for a very long time. She could not understand what was being said in Greek as we sat through the news bulletin...in fact I had to tell her that there were speaking in Greek...and as they like to say...if my wife could remember to say it too......she would have said...it is all Greek to me!
8.04 AM Tuesday morning:
I just received this: We will continue to pray.
My wife is still asleep...she remembers Ann's father ...but her dementia plays with her memory...but Ann's mother, Angela, was her best friend in those days long gone by in Bangsar...and so I tell my wife that Ann's father is Angela's husband...and recognition sets in and she is concern. She is still asleep and I will tell her that all is well...so far, for him.
Such is life.